Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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You know how particular facets of your personality come out for different people? The other day, at work happy hour, I mentioned that I "hate" something, which I do a lot. And the two interns at the same table said, "Oh, tell us other things that you hate!" This gave me pause, as I don't want to seem like the office grouch, but there are a good many weird things that I dislike for my own weird little reasons. Unless you're sitting at the intern table, there's only one place where you can go. And that's Craig's List Rants 'n' Raves. Home to other people who have intense opinions about stupid things.

GOATEES are unattractive, unless you're a hick baseball player.
I went out with a guy last night, a blind date, and I didn't realize he had grown a goatee. I was instantly turned off, what is the female equivalent of the outdated goatee? I don't know what it is, but looking at his nouth just grossed me out, his mouth looked like a giant gaping talking pussy. Guys, get a grip, and shave those nasty things.

I hate goatees, too. I hate that weird-chunk-of-hair-just-below-the-lower-lip look even more.

But do you know what really gets me? Girls who bring their lunch to work in a bag with handles from a store. Like Bath and Body Works or Ann Taylor. The ones that really kill me are Bebe and Tiffany. You're not "recycling," you're showing off. Feh!

RAVE: bittorrent traders who include album art
thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

it is so much more convienient to have the art right there with the music. and when you keep the file size around 20K i love you even more!

you people who dont do this? get with the farking program! word.

I don't steal music anymore, but I am down with this person's rant. The other day, I bought Morrissey's Vauxhall and I (to replace my cassette version) and there was a nice little picture of Stephen Patrick Morrissey. Meow.

What is it that I hate, though? When I mention that Morrissey claims that he is celibate and people go, "Oh, that just means gay." Maybe it does. But maybe you're just overlooking the stunning array of choices in the spectrum of human sexuality. Jesus, man. Be flexible.

RANT: To the couple I had dinner with last night
I had never met the two of you before last night. You were friends of my friends, but dude, your girlfriend was looking at me all night. And I mean LOOKING at me. I'm not dummy. This ain't my first rodeo. So, I'm not wrong on this. These weren't casual glances.

Here's the thing... Holy shit, she was fucking awesome. Beautiful. Witty. Great smile. Eyes to get lost in for weeks at a time. If I were the slightest bit of an asshole I would have just told you, "Hey, dude. I'm gonna chat up your girlfriend right in front of you. Sorry, but she's clearly interested in finding out more about me."

I didn't. Because I don't do that shit. But you better pay attention. She is clearly not happy. If it's because you're not paying enough attention to her, then fucking pay more attention to her. If it's because she doesn't like you as much as she used to and just can't see this working, then sit her down, have a talk and figure it out. If you can't make her happy, there is somebody who can.

The fourth person at your dinner table last night

I think this has happened to everybody at some point. I get what this dude is about, just as I recognize that I've probably been a member of the couple he's ranting at. Who hasn't?

So what else do I hate? When you're talking with someone and asking a bunch of questions about their life in order to "get" them, so you know how to handle them, even manipulate them, and you start to figure out that they think you're into them. Not that they are into you. But that they believe you're getting to know them because you want them. No, pally, I don't want to bone you. I just want to hear you talk about how you don't like your family.

Is it just me or was anybody else @ intonation harrased by the fucking idiot with the camcorder doing his "interviews" He was so wasted and annoying. I guess I just wanted to let him know what a PRICK he is and to FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!

This is why I didn't go to Intonation — not to avoid indie-chic or whatever, but the crowds. The potties. The crowd-loving weirdos.

Really, though, I hate it when people have kids who turn out to be total weirdos because the kids were encouraged to fly their freak flag sky-fucking-high. Your kid might become an incredible novelist. Or he might become an annoying fuck who people dodge during "take your kid to work day."

Enjoy the heat. My cat is sitting in front of the AC and I've got a summer cold a day before I go on vacation. Hail, hail, the grouch is here.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She will soon be a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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