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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Monday, May 27

Gapers Block

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Andrew Huff / April 19, 2010 12:22 AM

...Or one of your roommate's pets, whatever. We're not going to be picky here.

Our pets have done a lot of crazy things. I'm going to have to think about this one.

Jasmine / April 19, 2010 12:53 AM

Roommate's dog ate a few tablets of No-Doz. She was hyper for about 45 minutes then slept for 6 hours.

JP / April 19, 2010 2:40 AM

My calico cat once ate a rubber band, it blocked her intestines and she had to have major surgery to have it removed. On a separate occasion she got stuck in the dropped ceiling of our basement, I had to listen to her cries to figure out where she was, and coax her out by talking her over to the loose ceiling tile she'd scrambled up in the first place.

flange / April 19, 2010 9:42 AM

just yesterday, my 12-year-old lap cat killed her first bird. i have no idea how it got into my apartment. but watching her was four seconds of awesomeness.

before that it would be when she ate all the tape off the christmas presents and had to be rushed to the emergency vet shortly before new year's eve.

bob / April 19, 2010 10:48 AM

an old pup of ours (RIP) was left alone for a short time. upon returning home, the pup was found standing on top of the kitchen table scarfing down a pound of raw bacon that had been left out to defrost. no harm done. she also, shortly thereafter, chowed down on several raw chicken breasts while they were left unattended on the kitchen counter. silly girl.

Hails / April 19, 2010 11:34 AM

My cat is tall enough to drink out of the toilet with his back feet still on the ground. And he does so DAILY. I have photographic proof.

Cheryl / April 19, 2010 11:43 AM

Cleo sleeps in the fruit bowl on my dining room table. I also have photographic proof:

Michelle / April 19, 2010 12:15 PM

Our Beagle broke into our record collection on Record Store Day!

She's also quite the wizard at breaking into the refrigerator when we arent home...

Rose / April 19, 2010 3:56 PM

my cat got 13 inches of dental floss wrapped around the back of his tongue. they basically sedated him and unwound it. yay, animals!

eee1313 / April 19, 2010 4:33 PM

My old dog ate everything that's supposed to kill dogs and survived with barely a scratch. Chicken bones, tin foil, 16 oz of milk chocolate with the celophane wrapper still on, a bee (which must have stung him before swallowing, as he had an allergic reaction and his entire body swelled up), jalepenos, and a jar of bacon fat. That dog had a stomach of steel.

One year he also managed to eat 3 out of 4 family members' birthday cakes before they even had candles put on top. That was a good year for him.

fluffy / April 19, 2010 8:28 PM

Mr M likes to go through my jewelry while I sleep so when I wake up I find the same pearl necklace in his water bowl in the morning. He also takes my hair ties and they end up in his food bowl.

Once, when we had another cat living with us, I was petting the other cat, then tried to pet Mr. M but he slapped my hand away with his paw and walked away, insulted.

Mr M LOVES thin slices of melon.

He likes to go in the bathtub and howl loudly when I watch my Mexican soap operas-that's the only time he does it.

I could go on...many songs have been written about him.

Kevin / April 19, 2010 10:13 PM

All the dog ones appear to be dogs eating something inappropriate. I shall continue the trend.

Our bigger dog ate a nail a week before we got married. He ended up fine, but we still had to follow him around picking through poop for 3 days.

Our little dog ate a pack of sugar free gum. Which contains a substance the makes a dog's liver fail. $800 later, it became the most expensive pack of gum ever.

I still love those dudes. After getting my head caved in at work for 8 hours a day, when I get home, they act like I'm the guy that came up with the idea of dog treats.

Dennis Fritz / April 19, 2010 11:37 PM

My cat ordered a pizza once.

r / April 20, 2010 10:20 AM

My little pup got jealous of another dog who was visiting us, so I found my gal trying to hide a few of her toys that our guest was sniffing under my bedspread. More behavioral than crazy, I guess.

Baldeesh / April 20, 2010 10:32 AM

I came to work to find that one of my boss's 50 pound dogs had eaten and thrown up a bunch of grass. As it, it was the size of a football (not exaggerating. It was the size of a freakin' football). It was mostly grass, with about half of a paper towel in it.

I my guess was that someone had used part of a paper towel to clean up meat juice or something and they didn't throw it away where the dogs can't get it. I thought that was the end of it.

But the next day, I took the dogs out for a walk, and the rest of the paper towel came out the other end.

She frequently does stuff like that - eats God knows what and then eats a bunch of grass and then barfs it up later.

Short on brains sometimes, but they're really lovely creatures.

annie / April 20, 2010 1:30 PM

I have two beagles (so, actually I'm crazy) and most rowdy behavior is food related. My older beagle ate a pound of ham by jumping up to the counter and grabbing the wrapper that was hanging over the edge. She was thirsty for days. She also will pull on a table cloth until food falls of the edge, once an entire lemon chiffon cake.
On the hunting side she did bring me a baby rabbit once, still alive in her mouth, she was so proud of herself and another time she caught a bird in mid flight, it was flying very low to the ground though. The weirdest thing she does is fake dig on the wooden floor and then place a treat in the fake hole and then cover it up with her snout using the imaginery dirt. The other beagle just snuggles and kisses everyone, nothing crazy about that.

M / April 20, 2010 2:07 PM

While we were playing scrabble, my cat came up, took a good look at the board, and selected ONE tile to gently pull off the board with her paw. She picked it up in her mouth and walked away, looking like she had something very important to do with it.

A.lewellen / April 20, 2010 2:16 PM

I had a cat that had sex with his own mom. When I tried to explain to him that that was totally disgusting I'm pretty sure he had no idea what I was talking about. Crazy.

Christopher J / April 20, 2010 3:20 PM

Last spring I took our 5-year-old dog Mojo down to Montrose dog beach to run around for an hour or so. He's kind of a mix but is mostly pit and weighs about 40 lbs. He's extremely friendly and is great with dogs, kids, cats you name it.

So at the beach this day there was a bikini-clad woman throwing this chunk of blue rope to her tiny shiatsu. The dog couldn't even lift it but would drag the rope like three feet through the sand back to the woman. Well, Mojo goes a little crazy when other people are throwing toys to their dogs. He wants to play, wants the toy, and can be kind of annoying about it, so we try to keep it in check. So of course he's suddenly all over this lady and wants the rope, and I'm pulling him away and she's trying to hold the rope up in the air away from him.

After one or two small altercations I think it's all over when suddenly Mojo makes a final mad dash for the rope. The woman lifts it way up in front of her (Mojo thinks this is all one huge fun awesome game), and he leaps top speed into the air grabbing the rope, his paws grazing her chest and in one fell swoop completely removes her top.

We left shortly thereafter.

shechemist / April 20, 2010 4:20 PM

My old Great Dane pulled a bag of Easter candy off of a 7 foot high shelf and ate a pound of chocolate eggs. Other than having sparkly poop for 2 days, he was otherwise fine.

My current Great Dane mix dug a used Today's sponge out of the trash and ate it. When I realized what happened I call our trusty vet who couldn't contain her laughter. We were on 'sponge watch' for 3 days.

Carrie / April 21, 2010 9:58 AM

One of the funnies things... My girl is 16 and my boyfriend's girl is about 4. They're not super pals yet, but they're good at being naughty together. For example-- Worm (the younger) knows how to open the cabinet below the sink. DeJour (16 year-old) knows that the plastic bags are hiding under the sink. Worm will open the door for DeJour and "stand watch". Only Worm usually fails to alert DeJour when I'm coming in to bust her and remove her from plastic bag heaven. It's pretty hilarious to see both of their faces. Worm is like "oooh no!! the eagle has landed!!" and DeJour is like "nom nom nom nom nom nom". oh wait, who's crazy here? me? maybe.

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