Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Thursday, February 29

Gapers Block

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charlie / October 13, 2005 5:26 PM

I run and manage two apartment buildings.

I want to own a Bar/Restaurant

charlie / October 13, 2005 5:30 PM

I am also quite clueless at times....

K. / October 13, 2005 6:03 PM

I work at a non-profit. My dream job would be to edit a literary/creative non-fiction magazine. Or teach writing. Or do whatever the hell I want all day long, and have a check magically come in the mail every two weeks.

Jason / October 13, 2005 6:21 PM

I am a graduate student and a writer. At some point they will make me a teacher. There is nothing I'd rather do.

emily / October 13, 2005 6:47 PM

i am an office manager for a small creative firm. i love what i'm doing, but i guess i'd rather be managing my fortune full time.

annabanna / October 13, 2005 7:06 PM

i teach history at a newish, selective, high-profile public high school on the northside. well, i usually teach history, but i refer to it as 'socialization for nerds 101'.
i would like to run a bakery, except not the kind that opens at 6am. an afternoon bakery, if you will.

Rebecca / October 13, 2005 7:19 PM

I'm a sex educator for a feminist sex toy store. I work in the shop and teach classes on everything from flirting to, well, lets just say more "explicit" topics.

My dream job would be being a ridiculously well-paid sex educator for a feminist sex toy store.

me / October 13, 2005 7:23 PM

i'm a web guy, possibly to become a web manager guy. my dream job, besides being paid to travel, would be, well, to be pad to travel.

and to have my own small restaurant, cafe, bar, etc.

Justin / October 13, 2005 8:24 PM

Four days a week I correct textbook pages and prep the files for printing. This afternoon, for example, I reset two spot colors to overprint in two books, maybe 250-300 pages each.

My ideal job involves literature and church history and less of the sitting-at-the-computer bit.

ALLAN / October 13, 2005 8:29 PM

I am a massage therapist i.e a male prostitute. I got into it beacause I thought I would be hooking up left and right with pretty ladies (not) most of my clients are men. The ones who are not could pass. The money is, at time amazing. I only work one or two days a week but it is killing me on the inside. I can't find anything that pays as well as what I do now. I only have a massage license and no degree of any kind. I am not sure what else I can really do. If we are talking fantasy here I would love to be a lottery winner. I know it's lame.

Veronica / October 13, 2005 8:40 PM

What do I do? Currently I spend my 9-5 in property management. What would I rather be doing? Well...this, for starters.

loir / October 13, 2005 9:01 PM

I hang out with my homeschooling kids. I don't get paid. We survive on one income and live close to the bone.

I would rather do the same thing I'm doing with about 20k more a year and a bigger yard.

I would love to be a librarian someday.

Moon / October 13, 2005 9:05 PM


Oh, wait, that's what I do now.

How about ARCHITECT??

/George Costanza

Leelah / October 13, 2005 10:28 PM

English teacher at a selective enrollment high school on the south side.

There is nothing I would rather do.

I could make more money in the suburbs, but the students at my school are so phenomenally wonderful that I couldn't bear to leave them.

If I won the lottery, I'd still teach. I'd just take more expensive vacations.

nico / October 13, 2005 10:54 PM

english: american lit. major, but i'd rather be hosting "globetrekker"

FlowFeel / October 13, 2005 11:28 PM

My work is 3 layers - Book Store Manager, Grad Student, "Http://">Blogger/writer. Ideal job - Blogger/Writer full time 60K+ p/yr. Or something invovlving paid travel!

paul / October 13, 2005 11:32 PM

I'm an all-around design/production freelance grunt for web and print. I'd like to make more money than I do, without spending anymore time working than I do.

I'd probably take any job that would pay me to travel, short of flight attendant, salesman or soldier. When most people say they want to be paid to travel, they're thinking about going to nice hotels in Paris or Bali, but I'd go to Wichita or Moline for a few hundred bucks.

hench / October 14, 2005 12:02 AM

i'm a systems tech but i don't know for how much longer... see, i'm going on tour for six weeks & lawfirms generally don't approve of such things...

of course, going on tour for six weeks is almost *exactly* what i'd rather be doing jobwise. going on tour for 52 weeks would be perfect.

Raven Dreamer / October 14, 2005 12:15 AM

Right now I'm a telephone quality coach - I tell people how to talk to customers on the phone. What would I rather be doing? I'd rather be paid to write, or failing that, systems testing (Oooo, let's see how I can break this?).

Lori / October 14, 2005 12:27 AM

I have a cool job. As a nurse, I write, manage, and design software for nurses in hospitals that allow them to incorporate clinical research into practice. I get paid very well.

I would rather do less of my cool job, be a travel writer, mattress tester, film critic, sex-toy educator.

Vanessa / October 14, 2005 3:31 AM

I'm a Sound Engineer -- and get paid well to do it.

What I want to do? Being a Sound Engineer is my dream job, I just wish I could get more hours doing it!! (20 hrs/wk just isn't cutting it.)

Oooh, and if I couldn't do this: an arson investigator!

Sabrosa / October 14, 2005 7:59 AM

Right now I'm a saleswoman for an internet job site. Surprisingly, I'm damn good at it, but yes-there is more to life for me.

I'd love to be a foster mom. Sounds nuts, but I would love a huge house with 10+ kids for me to care for, ages 1-18. I think that would be soooo rewarding, challenging and satisfying.

I've also been thinking about being a chimpanzee care-person. I don't know what those people are called. I guess I can call the zoo and start asking questions to see how to get started with that.

Or I've been doing some research on the best universities in the country for sex education. I'd love to be a sex doctor. I can counsel people, hold classes, understand the mental as well as physical side that sex entails, for both sexes.

nathaniel chesterton / October 14, 2005 8:10 AM

i get paid very well to be extremely good looking. And after a tough day at the office, i love to have my equally as good looking girlfriend stroke my gigantic ego and oversized member until i shoot a porno-worthy load on her very well-formed breasts.

But i would love to be able to redecorate my overpriced loft in a hot neighborhood of rows of ugly new construction condos. hey, a man can dream, can't he?

jen / October 14, 2005 8:59 AM

i'm a proofreader for an advertising company that specializes in direct mail and web development for the financial industry. i actually enjoy my job very much - the first since my days as a 17-yr old concession stand slave at a drive-in movie theater.

truth be told, though, if i could do it all over again, i would have gone to school for veterinary medicine. either that, or i would use my love for diving and take it to the next level to become a SCUBA instructor.

tina / October 14, 2005 9:26 AM

i'm no george costanza, but i am an architect. i love my profession, but only like my job. it could be much better, it could be much worse. i'd like to be part of a more open and creative atmosphere than the one i'm currently in.

if i couldn't do this i would like for someone to pay me to read books of my choosing. and to travel.

Annie / October 14, 2005 9:45 AM

I'm a librarian. It's alright. Pays the bills (barely).
I'd love to be a carpenter or something that involves working with my hands & making stuff.

printdude / October 14, 2005 9:47 AM

I are a printer/Graphic Designer.

My dream job would be a Major League Baseball scout.

It used to be (way back in the day) a radio DJ. Then I hung out a radio Station for a while and the shine was completely dtripped off that job.

My second dream job would be Cubs announcer.

eep / October 14, 2005 9:48 AM

I do desktop publishing for a financial and insurance licensing textbook company. Basically, I play around with InDesign all day, which makes me happy. I only work in black and white, though, so that makes me sad. But I like the work pretty well.

If I could do anything, I'd be a film critic. Or I'd get some inspiration for that book I've been juggling around in my head for a few years now.

Katie / October 14, 2005 10:10 AM

I work in advertising. I'd rather be doing something where I'm more physically active, working with my hands, that sort of thing. Making useful, tangible, beautiful things.

Hunching in front of a computer all day gets depressing after awhile. It makes it hard to stay in shape, since by the time I get home at night, I'm too worn out to move. I love the agency I work for, though. I'm just too poor to stop doing it and learn a trade.

d4ve / October 14, 2005 10:25 AM

full time video game designer, part time animator, volunteer animal rights activist.

rather be:
a (paid) fulltime animal rights activist, part time animator, hobbyist game developer.

or maybe a programmer...

Carrie / October 14, 2005 10:29 AM

I'm an account manager. I like the company a lot and I'm learning tons, but it's certainly not my dream job. If I'm going to be stuck in a cube, I'd rather be at a company I think is doing something good for the world... Planned Parenthood...World Wildlife Fund...

What I really, really want to do and eventually will (once I get into and finish grad school) is be an archaeologist. Yessss, run a site in the summer and teach during the school year. Perfect!

jennifer / October 14, 2005 10:45 AM

i'm currently an executive assistant, but would rather be a stay at home mom.

sweetwater / October 14, 2005 10:48 AM

I make my living as a graphic and web designer.

Another job? I'd love to be a vintage fountain pen
dealer, specializing in art-deco fountain pens.

Kaleb / October 14, 2005 10:53 AM

I work as a cube monkey making things look pretty and generally getting things done.

i would love to be the exec. director of some arts center in europe. aaaaaah. the life. the art. the culture. ooo la la.

Flynn / October 14, 2005 10:56 AM

I program and design video games.

What would I rather be doing? Programming and designing my OWN video games. Or software at least.

What's stopping me? Well, that's the million dollar question, idn't it?

Cinnamon / October 14, 2005 11:02 AM

I so feel justin's pain. I'm a pre-press/production geek with a textbook publisher. Thankfully I've gone from correcting commas, overprinting errors, etc. (at least temporarily) to being the one who is solving problems on the front end of the project. Things would be better, if only . . .

And while I like my job, I'd be much happier hanging out in my sewing room and making purses all day.

Ann VanMoxie / October 14, 2005 11:12 AM

I work in commerical real estate office leasing. It's not awful, but you know, it's about what you can expect from anything that alienates me from my species-being while assuring my one-dimensionality as a consumer controlled by a technological panopticon. Plus, it does support my academic habit.

I'm in grad school to become a professor of sociology (what tipped you off?) sometime in the next decade.

Mo / October 14, 2005 11:15 AM

By day, I'm a program assistant in the Chemistry Department of Northwestern. By night, I'm in a masters program for writing.

What I want to do full time is be a writer, or if that's not in the cards for me, publish my very own literary journal/magazine.

Fantasy job: spend mornings decorating cupcakes, spend evenings creating horror movie make-up and special effects.

wackpuma / October 14, 2005 11:35 AM

I am software engineer for a automotive electronic company. I make stuff for your car to run.

I wish that I was a professional Lego builder.

Roni / October 14, 2005 11:39 AM

Professional feminist. That's me.

What I'd rather be doing? Not much else, I love my job. Dream job? Dolphin trainer at Brookfield Zoo or the Shedd. I love the smell of aquariums.

waleeta / October 14, 2005 11:50 AM

I manage a small non-profit in DC while going to grad school.

My DREAM job is to become a civil rights attorney, specifically for women in countries where they are treated only a little better than dogs. I am on my way!

Craig / October 14, 2005 11:50 AM

I design products, and I love it. What would I rather be doing? I'd like to create my own company to design and sell my own stuff some day.

lila / October 14, 2005 11:53 AM

I am a communications strategist/designer for an arts college. I love it because I get to invent the communication plan for the pieces, and then create them, with not much "client" intervention.

If I could change anything, it would be that non-profit/academic do-gooders would make the same salaries that corporateers make doing the same jobs.

But I don't have to wear panty hose everyday, so it mostly evens out...I guess.

Pedro / October 14, 2005 11:56 AM

I sell software to financial firms.

I'd like to be in investment banking. There's something about trading other people's money that sounds like fun. Oh, and the obscene amount of $$$ would be fun too.

After that, a history teacher.

amyc / October 14, 2005 12:23 PM

I'm still in publishing, sorta (managing editor for four association magazines), but I'm slowly oozing my way from editor to professional world-saver, by way of a master's program in nonprofit administration. My dream job would have something to do with AIDS education/prevention, women's health issues, or arts administration.


e / October 14, 2005 12:28 PM

Real Estate. No sales, no property management.

I wanna be a astronaut, no...a, a fireman, no...a doctor, no a astronaut.

Actually I'm doing what I'd rather be doing virtually full-time and after work, I just wish I didn't have to carry a day job to pay the bills.

Nicole / October 14, 2005 3:07 PM

I'm an accountant at an investment management firm. I like it- nothing earth shattering, but it makes good money that I can then use to go to shows and travel and such.

My dream job is to be a cartoon voice. My dream job used to be to work in the music industry, but I got a taste of it and realized that, besides working too hard for not enough money, once music becomes "work" it may cease to be "fun."

I'd also love to open up a women's sex shop.

Melissa / October 14, 2005 3:10 PM

I'm almost a doctor (just a few more months). Granted, I love what I do and I wouldn't change it for the world. I guess you have to love this stuff otherwise you'd never justify the amount of debt I've gone into.

But on the side, I'd secretly like to drive a Zamboni for the NHL. Just a few games here and there on my nights off from the hospital.

spiraljetty / October 14, 2005 3:52 PM

I work at an archive and I'm in library school. I hate being professional because it means I have to wear clean pants.

I wouldn't mind being a copywriter or a food taster. Or a professional archer!

d4ve / October 14, 2005 4:00 PM

oh well when i was a kid i wanted to be a cta train conductor-
"Belmont this is Belmont!"
now it's all robots and lasers.

Baltimore / October 14, 2005 4:17 PM

Current profession: professional pickpocket who doesn’t discriminate against women's purses, My beat is downtown, Lincoln Park and the Gold Cost. My dream job is that of an alderman.

Onid / October 14, 2005 4:22 PM

Until 3 months ago: Proofreader for a Tax law publishing company.

Now I am: working at my brother in laws restaurant.**

Would like to be: I really want to get back into publishing but I keep getting told that only proofing text at my last job is hurting me. Don't understand that. Please people don't force me to go be a paralegal!!11!!

**Don't understand people who want to open bars and restaurants. This is HARD work. One person I talked to thought that she would sit around reading recipes and drinking wine.

elena / October 14, 2005 6:10 PM

Current job: getting an M.A. to go with my Ph.D. and about to start working part-time at a non-profit in volunteer organizing, so that, the next time I go on the job market I can get my dream job, which is:

translator of literature who runs a study-abroad or service learning program.

tony / October 14, 2005 6:20 PM

Currently I'm an engineer who works in diagnostic imaging (MRI specifically). It's a good job, if a bit high-stress at times, but I like to keep busy.

There are times when I think I'd rather be doing photography full-time. Studio work, portraiture, things like that.

There are other times when I'd rather be a radiologist and get paid to look at images all day.

Lost at sea / October 14, 2005 6:58 PM

This question reminds me of a article in the onion. It was called, "Man calls off search for self". Probably the most hilarious line i've read in my entire life. I work in marketing and sales for a large fortune 500 company that sells carbonated beverages around the world. I hate it to be honest but i do because my family and friends think its great.
If i could do anything else, i would love to either be a pharmacists or a sucessful porn star. I wouldn't mind passing out medication to people and helping them find robotussin or vicks vapor rub. I also wouldn't mind passing out the medicine for people getting treatment for sexually transmitted diseases and holding back my giggles. Porn just because i too want to work with Jenna Jameson.

e_five / October 14, 2005 7:38 PM

PR for a small college. I enjoy it maybe more than any job I've ever had, and that includes being a comedy writer in Los Angeles. Trouble is, I made almost exactly the same salary as a comedy writer in 1985.

I guess the dream job would be to write for SNL for four or five years.

lacey / October 14, 2005 11:29 PM

I'm just finishing up my job as a youth worker/project manager to start my own businesss in graphic design. I loved the Youth Desk stuff, but *really* missed full time design. So, I'm taking a calculated risk and can't wait to hit the ground running.

Dan / October 15, 2005 8:09 AM

Right now, I'm looking for work. I left my job at a newspaper nine months ago so I could move to another country and freelance. And it is s-l-o-w going. As in, I've probably made about $300 in the last nine months. Oops.

I don't regret the move, though. I knew it would be tough for a while and made peace with the idea that even if it didn't work out, I would be glad I tried it. And I'm not ready to give up yet, although it does get frustrating.

Ideally, I would get freelance translation, editing and writing projects -- and/or work for a winery.

Brian / October 15, 2005 11:37 AM

I'm a graphic designer in the marketing department of a manufacturing firm. I do all the spec sheets, product manuals, ads, trade show stuff, etc. I get paid to play with QuarkXPress all day, so yeah, I've got it pretty good. This is what I want to be doing. My last job was tech support for a Verylargetelco DSL service. So yeah, I'm glad to be back in my field.

I think I'd really rather have a very successful freelance business where I could work from home in my underwear (Well, ok, unless I've got to meet with a client, go to the printer, etc, but you get the idea). I've always loved the idea of my commute being from the bedroom to the coffee pot to the computer.

Emerson Dameron / October 15, 2005 8:15 PM

I do a lot of random part-time or temporary work, from freelance journalism to corporate proofreading to data-entry monkeydom to community radio to barbacking. As much as I'd love to make a living off the wordplay, right now I'd settle for anything that steadily paid the bills. I've panicked about money every day since I left college, which was, let's just say, a while ago. Still, I'm wary of "job creep," of losing nights and weekends to peer pressure. I'm not sacrificing my less lucrative passions, even if it means a lifetime of Schlitz cans, Minute Rice and escalating debt.

pang / October 16, 2005 2:47 PM

what I do: "functional market manager" for an architecture firm. It means that I track specific markets for leads and coordinate proposal responses, that sort of thing. I really like the people I work with, and architecture in Chicago is a fairly vibrant area.

what I'd like to do: to be one of those people who get PAID to travel around the world and eat and talk about what I'm eating. Eventually, I'll have my own cooking show where I can show viewers 101 ways to make 10-cent ramen palatable and then a book deal.

Brandy / October 16, 2005 5:53 PM

Happily the answer to both is the same -

(Though being an independently wealthy travel writer who moonlights as a torchsinger would be grand.)

Sara / October 16, 2005 10:07 PM

I'm a Retail Planner at a retail design company. I do research on shopping. It's fun when you're watching people buy cellphones, boring when you're watching people buy soda, and overall uninspiring when you realize your goal, deep down, is to get people to buy more stuff.

I would love to be a cultural anthropologist. Study niche subcultures. Follow around truckers. Interview them about their environment, their families, their daily life. Make documentaries about it and speak at conferences.

Erik / October 16, 2005 10:38 PM

I am a photojournalist, which I had wanted to do since h.s. Been shooting photos for 8 years for papers, and while it's my dream career, right now it's only a job. I work for a small paper and the day to day drudgery of it can drive me nuts sometimes. I would like to do what I do except be paid $75,000 a year and travel the world shooting interesting stories that appeal to me.

kelly / October 16, 2005 11:26 PM

i sell my watercolors.

Mike / October 17, 2005 9:41 AM

I'm a billionaire trust fund baby, blowing my money on homeless shelters, free mental health clinics, battered women's shelters etc. when I'm not touring the country on my bicycle.

Of course I'd rather be an faceless data analyst in a cube farm, typing things like "left outer join" and "VLOOKUP" and "CASE WHEN".

andrew / October 17, 2005 9:52 AM

until a month ago, i worked in admissions at a large university in the city. i just started a PhD program in ethnomusicology--to make a long description short, i'm basically going to do cultural anthropology of music. i'm totally excited, not yet burnt out, and still pretty hopeful that i'll actually finish the program in a decent amount of time and be able to find a teaching job.

what would i rather be doing? getting paid to write, with enough time left over to enjoy music full-time and work on other community arts endeavors. the PhD is a step in that direction.

emdub / October 17, 2005 10:40 AM

Where I am now....60% art director for corporate entity, 15% adjunct faculty, 15% mom, 10% artist.

Where I wish I was.... 40% teaching, 30% mom, 30% artist. No corporate entity. But no healthcare either. And very little $. : (

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