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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Thursday, July 25

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printdude / November 13, 2006 7:49 AM

Ooooooooooh. Jeece.

Maybe you should ask me after I've had a few of those Hey! Bartenders......

A. Suggestion / November 13, 2006 8:48 AM

Fuel needs more current event discussion and less personal questions.

emily / November 13, 2006 8:56 AM

Now that I'm an adult? Fantastic. They're less parental and more friendly at this point. I'm pretty lucky!

Patrick / November 13, 2006 8:59 AM

Love 'em. They both live in fantastically different places (Missouri and Finland, respectively) which makes visits a once-per-year event, but that makes quality time with the 'rents that much better.

Hal / November 13, 2006 9:02 AM

Pretty damned good with both of them. My mom and I were closer when I was at home, but towards the end of college, that completely flipped.

Erica / November 13, 2006 9:17 AM

The best it has ever been. Having lived 40 miles away from "home" for five years -- happily married, employed and self-sufficient -- has totally improved my relationship with my parents and sisters. When we do all hang -- which is usually during holidays -- we mostly drinking and eat too much and get loud.
Also, I taught my folks how to play flippy cup last summer, so we bond over that when my husband and I visit these days.

Also, I like the personal questions. I think Fuel is pretty well-balanced.

mary / November 13, 2006 9:25 AM

my mom and i (my dad passed away when i was younger) get along in our own weird way. we argue due to both of us being so stubborn, but i am a total momma's girl. i know im lucky to have such an awesome, hip, but pretty sensible mom.

Regina / November 13, 2006 9:29 AM

Sucks. Waiting for them to die.

cliffe / November 13, 2006 9:31 AM

One's dead. The other's a stroked out vegetable that left when I was a kid, and I've never been close to.

Pfeffenshnoozen / November 13, 2006 9:36 AM

Mom, stop putting this question up at websites. I'm not going to tell you unless you ask me upfront, okay?

moody / November 13, 2006 9:39 AM

love 'em both. my mother is my best friend. but she's also the biggest obstacle in my life and hasn't let go of her "little girl" and make a life of her own. my relationship with my father is friendly but we hardly know each other despite living in the same home for 20+ years. but, hey, it could be worse.

Marilyn / November 13, 2006 9:42 AM

Dad's been dead a long time, but I was always a Daddy's girl and got along well with him. I think of him fondly.

Seeing as I changed my mother's diapers four times last night, I guess you could say we're very close. I'd do anything for her.

Mikey / November 13, 2006 9:48 AM

Mom is cool--she tells people that I'm her best friend, which is somethin' because I have a twin sister...

I haven't seen my dad in 20 years, though I do talk to him once or twice a year on the phone (lives in SC). He's not a bad guy--he's just one of those man-boys that should probably have never had a family. I'm trying not to follow in his footsteps (too late for the man-boy part, but if I ever have a family of my own, I like to think I'll be a much better husband/father)...

eep / November 13, 2006 10:25 AM

Really good. I lived at home for two years during college, and again four years later after getting laid off. I think living with them as an adult changed my relationship with them for the better. I still visit them once a week, and feel "off" if I don't. It's great to know them as people and not just as parents.

fluffy / November 13, 2006 10:27 AM

father- no relationship. he's an abusive puke.
mother- guilt-ridden and manipulative, but ok. lives in another state.

Why? wanna meet them?

miss casual / November 13, 2006 10:33 AM

the fam is awesome. actually the fact that i have such a nice relationship with my parents and brother is the reason i want to have a family one of these days.

going home to the casual house at the holidays means bringing your eating shoes and playing bridge. good times.

*oh and i totally disagree with a. suggestion. i like the personal questions.

Andrew / November 13, 2006 10:38 AM

(A. Suggestion, you can influence the questions in Fuel anytime by sending us questions. The address is

I've got a love-hate relationship with my parents. We're pretty close, but we get on each other's nerves very quickly.

Anonymous / November 13, 2006 10:46 AM

I thought my mother was really cool for an authority figure, but in recent years, I slowly came to realize that she is a gossip-happy blabbermouth. I used to call her once a week, now I call her once a month, thank God she left Chicago years ago.

Dads been dead for six years. I miss him.

Cinnamon / November 13, 2006 11:01 AM

No father, mother's current boyfriend is okay now that I've accepted him.

I love my mother very much and would do anything for her that I could but she doesn't let me do much (I know where i got my independent streak). She's taught me that family exists to love you unconditionally, support you no matter what you do, and prod gently when you start to get off track and do things that aren't healthy. The last part has a tendency to be passive-aggressive, but at least she isn't judgmental about her kids. Her children's partners are another story. She adores mine, my middle brothers? Not so much.

annie / November 13, 2006 11:18 AM

My dad died 16 years ago and my mom has never been the same. She is a nervous wreck about our every moves, afraid we will die too. She only lives 10 miles from me, but I can only handle seeing her about once a month, especially b/c I get close to 6 calls from her everyday. no joke. she makes me insane.

Pete / November 13, 2006 11:19 AM

Andrew, you just had to stir up this hornet's nest right before Thanksgiving, didn't you?

Andrew / November 13, 2006 11:20 AM

Well, I could have posted it next week, couldn't I?

Blagg the Axman / November 13, 2006 11:56 AM

My relationship with my mother and father is nil, killed as they were by bugbears when I was yet a tyke. I know that she kept house and my father farmed, but their natures remain a mystery; following their gruesome end, I was forthwith shuttled away to live in a monks’ orphanage. That was a short stay as well.

When travel brings me near, which is less and less often, I still adorn their graves with irises, which I hazily recall my mother tending in her garden. Theirs is a sad story, but never once have I wept for them.

Anon / November 13, 2006 12:01 PM

my mom and dad have also had a hard time letting go and as a result I would get easily annoyed when they called four times a week and got upset that I didn't visit the burbs every weekend. But my mom got stage IV cancer over the summer, and it's been an interesting shift to see how their interest in me is more a need to feel taken care of. I make a lot more of an effort now, and they have backed off a bit, and I feel like we're at a good place.
It's odd that you can end up feeling like the parent, and your mom/dad is the child.

Bill V / November 13, 2006 12:01 PM

Overall pretty good. It all changed a couple of years after I moved out. The first 38 years were tough :)

mike / November 13, 2006 1:16 PM

I am very lucky to have a close relationship with my parents. They both have their flaws as everyone does, and we all get on each other's nerves sometimes, but they are very supportive and love me and my sister unconditionally. My Dad was in the navy and I think frequent and long separations made our family stronger. My friends love my parents. They're coming into town to have Thanksgiving at my place, which I'm looking forward to.

shechemist / November 13, 2006 1:37 PM

I had a good relationship with my mother till she was killed 6 years ago. I still weep when I think about her.

I have a weird relationship with my father who I often refer to as RBF: rat bastard father. He is mentally ill, drinks alot, lives 1800 miles away, and has never been much of a father. However, I still talk to him, and he is coming to visit starting tomorrow night. I love him, but I don't like him.

I am glad that he is coming. It will be the first time he will meet his 8 month old granddaughter. I have no expectation that he will magically become uber-grandpa upon seeing his granddaughter. I do hope that she will have a better relationship with him than I do.

shechemist / November 13, 2006 1:38 PM

now ask me about my MIL. hoooo-boy

KJ / November 13, 2006 1:49 PM

After years of therapy I have learned to accept my parents as they are: well intentioned but highly anxious and controlling people with a broad streak of negativism. I work hard to have a good relationship with them, but within boundaries; I talk to them once a week and see them a few times a year. In person, they frequently get me down. Everyone does their best to get along, but there are still some big gaps in mutual understanding. I just ended up being different from them, which is hard for them to understand. On the plus side, at least they aren't Republicans.

Spook / November 13, 2006 2:21 PM

Come on allan, I know you're out there, kock this slow pitch out the park!

Baldeesh / November 13, 2006 2:38 PM

My mom is the bomb. Though it took a while for me to realize that she is, in fact, human. That was a bit of an adjustment. Once I got that, it was smooth sailing.

My dad - lost him to mental illness years ago. I miss him.

holden / November 13, 2006 2:39 PM

my mother is the person i rely on the most in my life. she is and always has been a freakin' rock. put herself through college (in 3 years & with honors) while raising two kids. i don't know what i'd do without her.
my father keeps in contact and i see him once or twice a year. never had much of a relationship with him, but there's no bad feelings.
never met my biological father, and i figure it's his loss.

JollyJess / November 13, 2006 3:20 PM

I really thought my mom was CRAZY when I was a teen. Now, of course, I love her like no other. My dad is awesome but he lives in Cali and I haven't seen him since my wedding last year.....

Confession... I'm totally in Florida. My city doesn't have anything nearly this rad. So Imna join all of you ok?...

d. / November 13, 2006 3:36 PM

i have always been close to my parents. i'm Asian so there is no question about how close you are to your family -- it's an unspoken rule to respect and obey your parents and that comes with unconditional love. period.

i know it's not easy for a lot of people. we make it work because we are family. it's hard to explain if you haven't lived it -- it's just an absolute fact that i love my parents and they love me back!

van moxie / November 13, 2006 4:42 PM

My mother is one of those mothers that you can tell great anecdotes about like what batty crap she did or said (like when she leaves voicemail, she always ends it with, "Love, mom" like it's a letter.)

She's on my bad side at the moment, because after I invited her to Thanksgiving at my apartment, she invited my brother, his wife and their four children to come as well, without a word to me about it. She annoys the piss out of me, but she is also incredibly generous and loving. My father died when I was a teenager, and I miss him every day.

carrie / November 13, 2006 4:46 PM

My dad is fantastic. Best dad- like a friend, but is a dad when I need him to be.

My mom, well, we're real good at bickering and fighting. Like champion good. But, aside from that and aside from her being off her rocker sometimes, we get along well. I just know to take the personal stuff to dad b/c sometimes she's lacking the whole sympathy gene. I love both my parents to death and feel very lucky that they're mine.

loadzone / November 13, 2006 4:54 PM

Like D, I'm also cut of the asian family cloth, so I get the whole unconditional love and respect (sorta) thing.

My parents were born into the post-WWII Philippines era so their ideal version of America reeks of the Cleaver family.

We definitely have our generational differences but I'm stubborn enough to get past the attempted guilt trips, manipulation, and non-validation-because-I'm not-a-doctor-or-lawyer to forge a good relationship with my folks.

Emerson Dameron / November 13, 2006 6:51 PM

My parents are unamicably divorced and I'm not particularly close with either of them. But I'd rather not badmouth them in front of strangers.

hamlet, prince of denmark / November 13, 2006 8:50 PM


He was a man, take him for all in all,
I shall not look upon his like again.

See, what a grace was seated on this brow;
Hyperion's curls; the front of Jove himself;
An eye like Mars, to threaten and command;
A station like the herald Mercury
New-lighted on a heaven-kissing hill;
A combination and a form indeed,
Where every god did seem to set his seal,
To give the world assurance of a man.

Mother dear:

O most pernicious woman!

Brian / November 13, 2006 10:26 PM

Mom? Fantastic. I can honestly say she's my best friend. She lives in Tennessee and I'm here, but whenever we get to visit each other, we always have a good time.

Dad? Not so much. After they divorced when I was 9, he apparently moved on and decided he didn't need me in his life anymore and moved to Phoenix and had another family, and subsequently did the same thing to them.

I've got a half-sister whom I've never met in person, but we talk by e-mail at least once a week.

jennifer / November 14, 2006 8:12 AM

this feels almost sacrilege to write after a lot of 'my mom's my best friend' and 'I love my dad' statements. honestly, I have no respect for my parents. they didn't raise me or any of my sisters (three full, two half) even when we lived in the same house. my mother has had her parental rights terminated from all of us. I don't even know where she lives right now. my dad is a bit better. he has a new wife and has generally supported what I do, though he has no idea what the whole ph.d. gig is about.

in other words, I am happily spending thanksgiving with friends.

Brandy / November 14, 2006 8:29 AM

Like jennifer, I'm happily spending Thanksgiving with friends.

I truly believe that your family is who loves and supports you for who you are and gives you a nudge when you need it. Regardless of blood.

I don't talk to my dad (great decision!), my mom only calls on my birthday - otherwise I talk to her rarely when I call.

Surprisingly, it's my sis that I'm tight with. We are 4 years apart and never got along as kids. Now, I think she's the bee's knees and we're very close. Yay sis!

han / November 14, 2006 9:31 AM

My father and I are far too similar to get along well for more than two days. We can have intellectual conversations and I realize that he has some very important things to say and he can be a good listener when he tries hard enough.

My mother is like my lifeblood. When I'm around her I can't imagine what it would be like to be without her in my life. I respect her and find that I honestly want to be like her as I age. She's amazing, funny and really an inspiration. I never thought I would aspire to be like her...

I was lucky enough to be blessed with incredibly open minded, thoughtful and liberal parents with whom I could tell anything knowing that they would help me out... but talk to me after I spend thanksgiving week with them...

Spook / November 14, 2006 10:47 AM

Since there is no sign of Allan yet( maybe fluffy can smoke him out), I remember having the following conversation with my Mama back in the 70's about my Papa

"Hey Mama, I heard Papa called himself a jack of all trades. Tell me is that what sent Papa to an early grave?
Folks say Papa would beg, borrow, steal to pay his bills. Hey Mama, folks say that Papa was never much on thinking. Spent most of his life chasing women and drinking. Hey Mama, I'm depending on you to tell me the truth.

And Mama looked up with a tear in her eye and said,
"Son, Papa was a rolling stone. (Well, well, well, well)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home.
(And when he died) All he left us was alone, lone, lone, lone, alone."
"Papa was a rolling stone.
Wherever he laid his hat was his home.
(And when he died) All he left us was alone."

Allan / November 14, 2006 10:53 AM

This will be depressing as shit but you asked...

My father died a few years ago . I only found out because my Mom looked him up online and found saw someone (his wife) was receiving his social security death benefits. My mom and dad were never married. They parted ways when I was around 7 or 8. My dad was around sporadically for a few years before finally disappearing altogether somewhere in California. The last time I saw him I was in 7th grade. He never helped support my mother financially or otherwise when she was raising us never called for birthdays or holidays etc. Later my mother ended up marrying a very cruel man whom I hated. It was so bad I once went after him with a baseball bat so he would stop hitting my Mom. On another occasion he made me and my brother beg him to stop choking our cat. I was under 12 when this happened. They separated but never divorced and about 7 years ago my mom received a call from a detective saying he had been stabbed to death in his apartment. Even though they had not spoken in years she was still his wife. I wasn't sad about this. So no relationship with my "Step Father" either.

Now on to my mother. My relationship with her is more akin to that of a casual acquaintance with whom I have a very long and somewhat troubled history. I love her but her life makes me sad and I know she is lonely. She never talks about her feelings, her life, her family , her past so I don't really feel like I know her. She is kind of emotionally and socially shut down. I know she loves me and that is about all.

Sorry, but you asked and yeah it's all true.

No Way / November 14, 2006 12:58 PM

I have a brother who is trying to undermine my relationship with my parents. He's got my mother so upset all the time she's on some kind of anti-anxiety meds, and Dad is pretty much pretending to be deaf as a post.

Fun, huh?

fluffy / November 14, 2006 2:41 PM

Fell better now, Spook?
You're a miserable loser.

Marilyn / November 14, 2006 2:58 PM

Hey, Fluffy. This is posting by choice. Allan made his choice.

printdude / November 14, 2006 2:59 PM

Can I just say I love my mother-in-law?

Much more than my own eight parents.

That's right, eight.

jj / November 14, 2006 3:05 PM

My parents are everything I could ever hope for. I'm very lucky.

Meg / November 14, 2006 4:17 PM

My parents, and my immediate family in general, are my pals. We like spending time together. My parents devoted a lot of time and energy to parenting, and from everything they've told me, it seems like they loved the time when my sisters and I were kids the best.

That said, I moved out when I was seventeen, and can't imagine living with them again any time soon (if they needed to, that'd be a different story). I live a couple of hours away from them and see them regularly, and feel very lucky that I still have them around.

fluffy / November 14, 2006 4:18 PM

This is posting by choice????!!!! And no one told me??

That's it! I'm leaving!

Allan / November 14, 2006 4:20 PM

Just for the record lest you all think me duped (yet again) by Spook. My post was made unawares of Spooks not so subtle taunt. I don't have any thing to hide. People have been making me the butt of jokes all my life so to say I have thick skin would be an egregious understatement.

michele / November 14, 2006 4:48 PM

I'm very fortunate to have two fabulous parents. They are loving, supportive, funny, still together after 43 years of marriage and still in love with each other. Reading some of these posts makes me really appreciate what I have all the more. I realize how lucky I am.

madachode / November 14, 2006 5:25 PM

Very good , I don't have 2 men acting like husband/wife.

Brandy / November 14, 2006 9:52 PM

Michele! 43 years + still in love! That's so awesome. :^)

stella / November 15, 2006 9:15 AM

A lot like me being the parent and them being the kids. My mom and I talk on the phone or email at least once a week and my dad and I talk about once a month. They're really my favorite people.

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