Gapers Block has ceased publication.
Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
✶ Thank you for your readership and contributions. ✶
TODAY
Tuesday, April 23
Fuel
jen / January 12, 2005 10:37 AM
abbey mylaun. but i've also heard:
first pet's name + mother's maiden name
in that event, abbey bailey.
ami / January 12, 2005 10:38 AM
Frisky Sparks.
Not bad eh?
Craig / January 12, 2005 10:38 AM
Corky Meadowland.
heather / January 12, 2005 10:41 AM
Starling Glenlake.
Steve / January 12, 2005 10:53 AM
Okay, this same subject just came up on my high school alumni board. Whazzup with that?
Naz / January 12, 2005 10:57 AM
Monty Kenmore.
amyc / January 12, 2005 11:16 AM
Well, according to the rules, it would be Sam Pioneer. But I actually think Fanny Pax would be my nom de porn, if I ever decided to pursue a career in the slatternly arts.
Shylo / January 12, 2005 11:22 AM
Mine would be Sarah Nottingham, which is great if I take on the moniker "The Naughtiest Duchess" or something.
emily / January 12, 2005 11:25 AM
Ashley Hollyview
Overwrought Mind / January 12, 2005 11:31 AM
K.C. Nordica
Pete / January 12, 2005 11:37 AM
Kitten High, which makes me sound like a drug-abusing woman, which I'm not. (Neither one.)
Cinnamon / January 12, 2005 11:44 AM
Sheba Dahlia. Not too shabby, eh?
Ken / January 12, 2005 11:52 AM
I always thought it was middle name + street you grew up on.
But, I probably think that because mine would be Kenyon Blackcherry, which rules. I knew a guy that would have been Kent Carlisle. Also badass.
Monkey / January 12, 2005 11:53 AM
Tom Kedvale.
Sounds like a 70's porn star to me.
pat / January 12, 2005 11:53 AM
Tika Bonnie Brook... which just doesn't sound at all right. I'm going to stick with my drag name: Miss Shawna Masala.
Anthony / January 12, 2005 12:02 PM
Woody Edgewater
Tim / January 12, 2005 12:14 PM
Sadly, Boutrous Gay Court.
Nuxrs / January 12, 2005 12:29 PM
Pet + First Street = Snowflake Canyon Valley Drive.
Wow. Terrible.
Middle Name + Street I Grew Up On =
Garner Kimbark.
Hells yeah.
MC High Life / January 12, 2005 12:36 PM
Brian Stanger
Noah Vale / January 12, 2005 12:48 PM
Miles Long
Maureen / January 12, 2005 1:09 PM
Snookie Poplar
However, I recently saw a shipping box in the old city of Jerusalem that had the words Frisky Ashdod printed on it, and I think that's a far better porn name.
Emily / January 12, 2005 1:37 PM
Tippy Letsgus (prounounced -- let's kiss)
hot stuff / January 12, 2005 1:55 PM
the best name, without doubt, is:
Dick Devine.
too bad, it's already taken in politics.
margot / January 12, 2005 1:58 PM
Depending on the formula, either Gertrude Rosemary or MacGregor Sir William....yeowch!
Onid / January 12, 2005 2:04 PM
Petey Crain
eep / January 12, 2005 2:13 PM
Mine would be Godfrey Huntington, which would be great if a) I were a guy, and b) I could play the Randy Duke alongside Shylo's "Naughtiest Duchess."
If I go with my current pet and the first street I ever lived on by myself, I get Sassy Hartwell. That's a much better porn name.
Thurston / January 12, 2005 2:31 PM
Rufus Armstrong
meh / January 12, 2005 2:31 PM
I must be related to Mike up there as mine would be
Morgan Pleasant
my brother's porn star name is even better though:
Herbie Pleasant
e_five / January 12, 2005 2:42 PM
Pet + street Rusty Stoner
Middle name + street Christopher Stoner
Eamon / January 12, 2005 2:49 PM
Peter Petite. For real.
Bri / January 12, 2005 2:53 PM
Spike Grand
steven / January 12, 2005 3:23 PM
Lilly Brompton. doesn't quite fit.
how about Louis Linder. more like Louis Limber....if you know what i mean...and i think you do...
Alex / January 12, 2005 3:43 PM
Lenny Rockwell
Wow, I can see the movie titles right now:
"The Gapers' Block"
Starring...
Kissy Hudson
Lenny Rockwell
Flopsy Washington
Paprika Banbury
with
Monty Kenmore
Sarah Nottingham
and
Sheba Dahlia
Hotcha!
Shylo / January 12, 2005 4:01 PM
Well, we've got a big gapers get-together planned in the spring. you bring the wesson oil, i'll bring the tarps.
Eamon / January 12, 2005 4:15 PM
Fortunately, out of all the names listed so far, only Miles Long is already taken.
Katie / January 12, 2005 4:35 PM
Maggie Wentworth, or Kitty Wentworth; depending on which pet I choose. Both names are equally sassy, I think.
karen / January 12, 2005 5:02 PM
sassy washington. i love it.
Brandy / January 12, 2005 5:18 PM
Leo Holman.
I sounds like a heating and cooling specialist, not a sex kitten. Ain't that always the way.
waleeta / January 12, 2005 6:02 PM
Tori Damen. Almost sexy, maybe if I change Damen to Damien?
Lisa / January 12, 2005 6:10 PM
My expertise is clearly needed here.
Ok, your porn name is your first pet's name and your mother's maiden name. Call me Baby McDonald.
Your soap opera name is actually your middle name and the first street you live on. Call me Anne Glenhill.
Eamon / January 12, 2005 6:17 PM
The always fantastic Timothy McSweeney's knows how to play the name game.
bilsabab / January 12, 2005 6:34 PM
Benson Illinois - sounds like a three-legged race horse
Paul / January 12, 2005 6:50 PM
I'm Bingo Kenilworth, of course.
paul / January 12, 2005 7:47 PM
Max Newkirk
It's a shame my parents didn't move a few blocks away, or I'd be:
Max Johnson
Brian / January 12, 2005 8:05 PM
King Tut Massasoit
Ray / January 12, 2005 8:58 PM
Boots Rockaway. Just call me Boots.
Shasta MacNasty / January 12, 2005 10:09 PM
Coco Sheridan
Hmmm...I like that. Wish I'd thought of it when I was looking for a name for my blog.
: /
Audrey / January 12, 2005 10:25 PM
Jaws Woodhall.
christian / January 12, 2005 11:05 PM
Middle Name + Street I Grew Up On = Eric Dogwood
Steve / January 13, 2005 7:53 AM
Middle Name + Street I Grew Up On = William 41st, aka William XLI the Royal Rogerer
First pet's name + mother's maiden name = Schotzie Coelyn, aka the German Anal Queen
Dawson / January 13, 2005 8:39 AM
Snowy Judd
e_five / January 13, 2005 10:08 AM
I can hear the music now: throbbing bassline with a rhythm guitar outfitted with an Electro-Harmonix Q-tron envelope filter to produce that "wacka-wacka" sound...
jr robinson / January 13, 2005 10:12 AM
ski jump
Roxana / January 13, 2005 10:49 AM
rocky meadowlark
Mrs. NotIfButWhen / January 13, 2005 10:52 AM
Candy Bayes!
And Mr. NotIfButWhen would be Pixie June.
matt / January 13, 2005 10:57 AM
Sanford Atherton at your service, Mr. Director
steven / January 13, 2005 12:22 PM
i didn't follow the 1st pet - mom's maiden name combo. in that case, i would be Sonny Pyrkowski. starring in the first polish mob porn flick ever.
come to think of it, doesn't that combo violate the most important porn rule of all - don't ever involve your mom?
Kris / January 13, 2005 1:13 PM
Sorry Lisa, I'm sticking with the first pet + first street combo, because for me it's so best: Casey Austin.
Big e / January 13, 2005 2:11 PM
Luc Longly
Jen / January 13, 2005 3:17 PM
Snowball VanBuren. Swanky.
JT / January 13, 2005 3:34 PM
JJ Fairmont. Probably works either for porn or soap opera... or, best for E! True Hollywood Story, the porn first, followed by soap opera success, followed by the scandal.
awegga / January 13, 2005 4:02 PM
Pandora Steele. I think it also will work for a romance novelist. It's better than Argus Middleton.
You gapers have way too much fun. Wish we had a site like this in Vancouver BC.
tracky / January 13, 2005 4:20 PM
Duchess Hudson.....hmmmm.
David Wise / January 13, 2005 7:02 PM
Sparky Ray!
Joann / January 13, 2005 8:27 PM
Ginger Janet
jm / January 14, 2005 12:20 AM
Coco Hinman... eh. It's just okay.
Birthday Edgewood. Makes no sense!
Dixie Meadowlake...now! There you go. THAT'S a porn name.
(Had a lot of pets. Lived a lot of places.)
(For those of you without any pets, you can borrow some of mine ... not taken thus far are...Babe, Dawn, Bingo, Dave, Buji (means "kiss" in Polish), Nantucket, Patches, Maxi and Suki. Go nuts. You're on your own for street names.
chris / January 14, 2005 1:40 AM
Dick Fitzwell
eliiner / January 14, 2005 8:16 AM
Buffy Hamilton, not bad eh?
David / January 14, 2005 9:14 AM
Max Cassgreen
Dan / January 14, 2005 9:21 AM
Spike Major
Brian / January 26, 2005 10:52 AM
Funny, my dog's name was Beauregard too. And I grew up on Honore St in Wicker Park.
Beauregard Honore
Ehh, not bad, but awkward. But I'll take it. :)
Amy / February 7, 2005 11:04 AM
Kitty Fairfax.
ROSE / February 24, 2005 3:02 AM
Ok
pet+street = Duke Manistee
Bear Manistee
middle name = Michelle Manistee
i like the later better
Kevin / July 4, 2006 11:41 PM
haha I have by far the best porn star name...my first pet was a rabbit named buster and I grew up on Cherry Lane...Which makes me "Buster Cherry" (videos with virgins only) and my middle + mothers maiden = "James Steinmetz"
dave / August 27, 2006 3:55 AM
Charlie Tulip
michelle / December 14, 2006 11:01 PM
My first pet + mother's maiden is Shep Willhite--cowboy porn!
But better yet, my partner's is Bart Berman, not a porn star, but the producer!
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Andrew / January 12, 2005 10:29 AM
First pet's name + first street you lived on.
For instance, mine is Kissy Hudson -- pretty good for a woman, not so great for a man.