Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Tuesday, March 5

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


Andrew / August 13, 2008 12:13 AM

Suggested by Robyn. If you've got a good question for us to ask in Fuel, email it to

And to preëmpt the cliché, yes, we know it's best served cold.

Kanye West / August 13, 2008 8:49 AM


Dave / August 13, 2008 8:50 AM

When crybabies are forced to play for the New York Jets.

p / August 13, 2008 9:17 AM

i once heard something about poo in the pizza box. you go in for the leftovers and...poo.

Graham / August 13, 2008 9:54 AM

I keep a voodoo doctor on retainer to handle such occasions. Some things are best left to a professional.

And what's with the umlaut on "preempt," Andrew? Are we going by the New Yorker's style manual these days? Did I miss that memo?

A / August 13, 2008 9:58 AM

Karma. Sometimes the best revenge comes after years of doing nothing more than watching someone dig their own hole.

Eric / August 13, 2008 10:08 AM


Eric / August 13, 2008 10:09 AM

Forgiveness. Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore.

Andrew / August 13, 2008 10:54 AM

@Graham: Nah, just getting silly with the special characters post-midnight.

Caitlin / August 13, 2008 11:07 AM

Rising above revenge is the best revenge.

If that fails, read or watch The Count of Monte Cristo and wield an épée while stomping around.

Baldeesh / August 13, 2008 11:40 AM

Live well and look good.

annie / August 13, 2008 11:47 AM

I agree, looking good is really a good way to go, plus letting go and being happy...that'll get the meanies every time. With that said, I did throw a pretty loud and late party to get back at the neighbors over the weekend, but my one to their zillion didn't get me anywhere but hungover.

Graham / August 13, 2008 11:53 AM

Props to Caitlin. Revenge is so Elizabethan.

mo / August 13, 2008 12:14 PM

I second Baldeesh's sentiment. Always thought living well was the best revenge. It works the best while preventing you from looking petty.

HOWEVER, I've been known to do less noble things, like stealing a stack of free movie passes while collecting my belongings after being dumped in a less than mannerly way. I also stole all the condoms, leaving only the cola flavored ones. (Seriously, cola-flavored condoms? Gross). I wanted him to know I'd be using those condoms real soon. Most likely with one of his hotter friends.

Now, when someone wrongs me in a serious way, I just cut them out of my life and move on.

mo / August 13, 2008 12:17 PM

Oh, but the best revenge EVAR was not by me but by a friend of a friend, so brilliant it may have been an urban legend. Apparently this girl had gotten dumped (or cheated on) so while she was clearing her stuff out of his house, she sewed raw shrimp into the hem of his curtains. I bet it took a LONG time to figure out where the smell was coming from.

Kitten Mew / August 13, 2008 12:49 PM

Salt someone's plants to death and watch his/her futile attempts to grow something anew in the contaminated soil. (Insert evil laughter here).

Mucky Fingers / August 13, 2008 1:12 PM

Revenge is a woman's game. A game she usually prefers to play out through the judicial system.

Carrie / August 13, 2008 2:34 PM

My mom taught me at 13 that putting honey on peoples stuff is a good revenge. We had a crazy landlord that would always come up to our house drunk and yell that he could hear our cat walking around. One day she decided that we should put honey on his chair on the porch. We hoped it would attract ants.

I then used that years later when a friends grandma called to complain that some kids down the block were being mean to her. We went over with some honey and put it on the car door handles.

I'm more in line with mo now... if you screw me over, it's too much work to get back at you and it just prolongs an obviously dead friendship. I'll just cut you off and be happy.

corinna / August 13, 2008 2:45 PM

Moving on gracefully, promptly and publicly.

corinna / August 13, 2008 2:46 PM

Or start dating a different gender.

G.W. Bush / August 13, 2008 3:26 PM

he, he, he, he, he,hellfire, I bombed a whole dagnabbit country and sent my bad ass army in there to lay down some Texas Two Step Law. He, he, he, he, and even after I've rode off into the sunset them boys gonna still be down there. Teach em for mess'n wid ma daddy

Ramsin / August 13, 2008 3:47 PM

According to Tupac, revenge is the sweetest thing next to getting candy*, so you're better off forgetting revenge and just trying to get some candy.**

*he doesn't say candy.

Gaigen / August 13, 2008 4:21 PM

This is:


Steven / August 13, 2008 5:17 PM

The best revenge is not having to resort to revenge.

Leelah / August 13, 2008 9:34 PM

My cousin, upon learning that her live-in boyfriend was cheating on her with a trashy cashier at the A&P, took fiberglass and rubbed it into all of his clothes, sheets, blankets, shoes, whatever.

I'd rather do awesome things in my own life rather than try to get revenge, but the fiberglass revenge impressed me (in a sick way.)

Dubi / August 14, 2008 12:11 PM

Ice cream, because revenge is better served cold.

matt / August 14, 2008 9:58 PM

Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, under the toilet seat...did I say that??

igo / August 14, 2008 10:46 PM

Replace the Minoxodil with water.

m / August 15, 2008 10:44 AM

my friend put anchovies in her ex's car's gas tank one night and then the anchovie juice(or was it fish paste?) INSIDE the car. ironically, another friend of ours suspects someone did it to her a year later. that smell does NOT come out. my friend ended up selling her car after getting it detailed about 4 times because she couldnt stand the smell.

since college, i generally just cut people out of my life, and/or try to let word out how well i'm doing (even if i'm not). rising above it all is pure torture but i figure karma will get them back for whatever sh*t went down.

Dunl / August 15, 2008 1:18 PM

A dish served cold.

Steven / August 27, 2008 12:37 PM

I agree with some previous posts, the best revenge is a life well lived. However, if I were to resort to serving it up, the fish paste/shrimp/anchovies route is awesome.

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15