Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Sunday, July 21

Gapers Block

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Andrew / April 14, 2004 11:10 AM

I know a shocking amount about electrocardiography for someone not in the medical profession, thanks to an product a client of mine launched. It went nowhere, but I learned a lot.

And, thanks to a college class, I know a lot about the Faust legend in German literature.

amyc / April 14, 2004 11:25 AM

I know a lot about the Beatles (Paul's favorite food in 1964 was something called "Chicken Maryland"!) and the history of Kitty Litter.

Ramsin / April 14, 2004 11:32 AM

Josef Stalin. Ask me about Stalin and I'll talk your ear off for two hours.

jennifer / April 14, 2004 11:59 AM

I consider myself to be in the top tier of 80s pop-culture experts.

jen*nee / April 14, 2004 12:24 PM

I spent a year proofreading the correspondence of John Dewey and Arthur Bentley for eight bucks and hour. Go ahead, ask me anything.

jima / April 14, 2004 12:27 PM

I am not an expert. I know a little about everything, quite a bit on a few topics, but my knowledge is nowhere complete enough for me to be considered an expert on anything.

amyc / April 14, 2004 12:30 PM

Oh, I can think of a couple things you could give lessons on, jima.

Jeff / April 14, 2004 12:34 PM

Geology. In particular, I am a volcano buff.

Carly / April 14, 2004 1:14 PM


I can teach someone how to throw a hook, what sort of ball they should use, the difference in lane surfaces and conditions and how to keep score.

Seriously, it's more fun that it's sounding...

Pete / April 14, 2004 1:53 PM

19th century history of the lower Des Plaines River valley. (And somehow I never get invited to the good cocktail parties!)

Craig / April 14, 2004 2:24 PM

The obscure cinematic masterpiece known as the 'Back To the Future' trilogy.

A lex, x, x / April 14, 2004 2:30 PM

*sigh* Mark Twain...the sad thing is, I really don't care for his stuff but I can tell you tons o' facts about the man.

Oh, and if you ever need to restore a Barbie (including re-rooting of hair and facial restoration) I'm the one to call on.

emily / April 14, 2004 2:34 PM

I am a self-proclaimed diet and health expert. Tell me you're thinking of starting Atkins and I'll lecture you for days.

Eamon / April 14, 2004 3:15 PM

There is very little I know a lot about.

paul / April 14, 2004 3:26 PM

Interstate trucking regulations. And not just the general stuff like what IRP or IFTA stands for, I've got state for state gross vehicle weight limits, trailer length and height limits etc. etc. taking up precious braincase space. Fortunately most of it will fade away once this work project does.

Cinnamon / April 14, 2004 3:58 PM

I'm an expert on everything if I'm hooked up to the 'net.

Actually, my mother would always *tsk, tsk* me growing up and say, "You're going to be a jill of all trades, and a master of none." She was mostly right.

Phineas / April 14, 2004 4:02 PM

The Byzantine Empire.

Miranda / April 14, 2004 4:12 PM

Obscure moments in musical theater.

lacey / April 14, 2004 4:22 PM

Star Trek: The Next Generation (shocker!)

Alice / April 14, 2004 5:37 PM

I'm a bit of a jill-of-all-trades myself, which is largely why I ended up being a librarian. (You mean I can get paid to be a know-it-all? Sign me up!)

But, thanks to a mis-spent education, I also know more than most people care to know about Beowulf, Italian Renaissance cassoni (don't ask), and depictions of Judith and Holofernes in medieval/Renaissance/Baroque art.

Kenan / April 14, 2004 5:48 PM

Sucking cock. Er... I mean...

Andrew / April 14, 2004 5:55 PM

Kenan, you just said that to insert some sex into this, didn't you?

(huh-huh, he said 'insert.' huh-huh.)

Brenda / April 15, 2004 9:36 AM

you guys stole my thunder... I was going to say "kissing". "I'm really good at kissing."


Jessa / April 15, 2004 10:49 AM

The pros and cons of every birth control method, the hows and whys of menstrual cycle abnormalities, how the placement of your uterus may affect fertility, how long you really have to take emergency contraceptives, etc. That's what you get when you work at a sexuality education center.

Wendy / April 15, 2004 11:17 AM

I know a pretty alarming amount of stuff about Frank Lloyd Wright. Though some of it comes from growing up in Oak Park, I guess.

Kevin / April 15, 2004 11:37 AM

Drug Addiction and Palm Pilots.

In that order too.

mich / April 15, 2004 1:46 PM

Thanks to work, I now know everything anyone ever wanted to know about Edward Estlin Cummings. Just ask me about those lower case letters, I dare you. Or the name of his second wife's first husband. Really. Or, just to bring the sex to the fuel, ask me about e.e.'s first sexual experiment and the role of fleas therein.

Anne / April 15, 2004 2:31 PM

I know all the words to “The Gambler” AND “Coward of the County.”

Onid / April 15, 2004 4:22 PM

I edit tax law books for a living. I know a disturbing amount about the taxes on cattle and cattle feed in the state of Montana. Oh and Greek history. I know WAY too much about that too.

Arc / April 15, 2004 4:53 PM

Dirigibles, like the Hindenburg and such. Quite a few were built and used for everything from paid passenger service to bombing London during WWI.

And the history of rapid transit and connected railroads in Chicago. You used to be able to catch an Electroliner from right outside Marshall Field's making limited stops to downtown Milwaukee, and enjoy an Electroburger on the way. I want grilled onions on mine.

anthony / April 15, 2004 8:47 PM

The office of the presidency, JFK, chicago politics, baseball, baseball and more baseball

anthony / April 15, 2004 8:47 PM

The office of the presidency, JFK, chicago politics, baseball, baseball and more baseball

'That Ian' / April 16, 2004 9:09 AM

Body Piercing -- I know more than about body piercing than you would ever believe.

And Quake -- I know basically everything about that damn game.

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