Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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Andrew / February 7, 2006 12:44 AM

I can say this tongue-twister really, really fast:

"I am a mother pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I'm the most pleasant mother pheasant plucker that ever plucked a mother pheasant."

mike / February 7, 2006 5:05 AM

I have the uncanny ability to find what most annoys someone in a very short time and then do that something again and again with zero guilt.

It's awesome.

j / February 7, 2006 7:31 AM

My special talent is coming up with mundane polls. Oh wait tht's Gaper's Block's special talent...

Mine is my extradonary ability within the last 200 meters of a bike race to sneak past everyone and cross the finish line first.

And I can whistle like a mo-fo!

Wang Mcdilrod / February 7, 2006 8:09 AM

Mike, I have that same talent, only it's specific to my wife. Actually, my dog and I share that talent. For example, last night I took a picture of her with my camera phone in her underpants, while the dog sniffed her backside. It was awesome.

mike-ts / February 7, 2006 8:34 AM

I'm a pretty darn good photographer. It's a talent that I used to hide in the wide open, until I got tired and frustrated with that. Meaning, I used to show and hang regularly, and have people come to me at openings and tell me how great my stuff looked, but at the end of the month, nothing sold. I ended up selling a total of two prints over a five year period, all the while getting endless ata-boys and stick-with-its.

Mike, you're great!
Then, buy a print!
No way!!!

So I tried to do portraiture, went to PP of A classes and got a strong portfolio and hit the pavement, and found that 99.9% of people are happy at Sears. Whatever happened to follow your bliss, and the money will come?

I want a talent that increases my income.

amanda / February 7, 2006 8:50 AM

I have a knack for finding four leaf clovers. Sometimes as I'm walking along I glance down and see them in the grass. I stopped picking each one i found after a while, because seriously, how many four leaf clovers can you hold on to forever?

Dee / February 7, 2006 9:00 AM

- Spinning a mean cotton candy
- Tying cherry stems in a knot in my mouth (since the age of 10; my best time is 9 seconds)
- Sticking my entire fist in my mouth
- Being able to hold 32 grapes in my mouth

I sense a pattern.

D / February 7, 2006 9:10 AM

I can swallow multiple horsepills at a time without requiring a beverage to wash them down.

What can I say? It's a gift.

Jaye / February 7, 2006 9:17 AM

to be able to weed thru people's b**sh**!!

Baldeesh / February 7, 2006 9:25 AM

I can put my feet behind my head.

Zip E. Didudah / February 7, 2006 9:28 AM

I can put chicks' feet behind their heads.

jen / February 7, 2006 9:43 AM

farting noises with my hands. yup.

Steve / February 7, 2006 9:53 AM

Math. I have a mad-crazy fast head for basic arithmetic that most people have to do on paper or with a calculator.

robin.. / February 7, 2006 10:07 AM

proofreading. i can spot a mistake in mere seconds of casual reading.

Annie / February 7, 2006 10:29 AM

I can say 'thank you' to people in a very meaningful way, without coming across like a sychophant.

I can also find spiders.

Brian / February 7, 2006 11:22 AM

I can dispatch legions of orcs, goblins and trolls with one flick of my trackball.

paul / February 7, 2006 11:23 AM

I can cook healthy and delicious meals in 30 minutes or less.

I can also travel on $40 a day.

hench / February 7, 2006 11:27 AM

making music is the main one. racking up very high pinball scores is another...

Hal / February 7, 2006 11:40 AM

I have an uncanny ability to read quickly (not trained speed-reading) which seemed to piss off other guys in my book club a few years back.

I know way too much trivia about silver-age DC and Marvel comic-books.

Also, I can do the cherry-stem knot thing.

steve_sleeve / February 7, 2006 11:40 AM

for those of you interested in SPECIAL TALENTS, a bunch of people will be showing theirs off at Phyllis' Musical Inn this Friday night at the first-possibly-annual MRS. MEOW'S TALENZA BONANZA TALENT SHOW!

Read more about it here or here.

Eamon / February 7, 2006 12:48 PM

I can play "Dust in the Wind" on a tinwhistle.

Using my nose.

eep / February 7, 2006 1:55 PM

I can alphabetize backwards faster than anyone I know.

Emerson Dameron / February 7, 2006 3:51 PM

Pithy sarcasm.

Leelah / February 7, 2006 5:15 PM

Is spelling a talent?

kate / February 7, 2006 6:07 PM

My sleep-drooling talents are legendary.


printdude / February 7, 2006 8:20 PM

My special ability is the conversation ability. i can strike up a conversation with anyone, at any time. I got a pie recipe my first time on the New York Subway.
My wife's admitted special talent fits in quite nicely; she has the ability to argue with anyone.

She did enjoy the pie, however.

Lisa / February 7, 2006 11:15 PM

I am an excellent traveler. I plan great trips and enjoy the heck out of them, even (especially) the unplanned parts.

mike / February 8, 2006 3:13 AM

Wang---that is definitely hilarious.

i hope to have a wife one day who will not divorce me for similar annoyances!

Lennie Briscoe / February 8, 2006 7:57 AM

A word to the wise for those attending the talant show on Friday: Don't even bother showing up if you are underage. Yours truly will be in attendance and anyone who tries to use a fake ID will get to see MY special talent; throwing law-breaking scum behind bars.

granny / February 8, 2006 8:26 AM

I'm really good at bossing people around. and I make good biscuits!

Anon / February 8, 2006 9:21 AM

I can make you so something without you realizing I'm making you do it.

slb / February 8, 2006 9:29 AM

i can whip up a tasty meal out of pretty much anything.

i can fix toilets.

i'm really good at taking out splinters.

D Sharp / February 8, 2006 10:02 AM

I have relative pitch. If you tell me what one note is, or what key a song is written or performed in, I can tell you (or "play") the rest, or write down the chords. It's a cool gift.

Load Zone / February 8, 2006 10:06 AM

I can speak and listen at the same time.

I can hear conversations going on 5 feet behind me in a crowded bar, but I won't be able to hear the person talking to me.

I can still draw nonsense on Apple ][ computers using 'vline' and 'hline' commands.

I'm horribly bad at using scissors to cut straight.

franklin / February 8, 2006 11:23 AM

I can smell your stink breath even when you are in the other room.

steve_sleeve / February 8, 2006 12:01 PM

i didn't even mention my special talent before! i can make me eyeballs shake back and forth really fast, but not for long because it gives me a headache.

dear commish lennie brisco, learn how to spell "talent."

Anon / February 8, 2006 12:40 PM

"02.08.06, 09:21 AM Anon said:
I can make you so something without you realizing I'm making you do it."

Anon - did we used to date?

Staci / February 8, 2006 2:05 PM

I can make some pretty good mix cds.

I know instinctively when my kitchen's timer is going to go off, so I can check my food exactly when it's supposed to be ready.

I'm good at making appetizers.

anon / February 16, 2006 7:30 PM

dude, I can totally put a condom on without using my hands

Cheryl / March 13, 2006 4:22 PM

I made my boss disappear. And I got her office.

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