Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


Pete / July 28, 2008 12:00 PM

"He really should have ducked."

(Actually, despite the great temptation to leave behind a great epitaph as my parting shot to mankind - much better than this one - I will be cremated and not buried. So no tombstone for me.)

matt / July 28, 2008 12:07 PM

He really didn't need extra meat on his gyros...

Gaigen / July 28, 2008 12:09 PM

"Yeah, but it's a dry heat."

David / July 28, 2008 12:51 PM

As I plan to be cremated and have my ashes made into a diamond, I probably won't have a tombstone.

But if I did, I would want it to have my last dying words, no matter what they were.

hop / July 28, 2008 1:53 PM

Weep not Father or Mother for me, for I am waiting in glory for thee.

Okay, not really as I too am part of the cremation team, but I saw this when I was young and it stuck.

sd / July 28, 2008 2:18 PM

Cremation also. But if I was to have a statue built in my honor (it could happen), it would say something to the effect of "Why are you standing here reading this? Go and live your life."

aw / July 28, 2008 3:59 PM

I was not; I have been; I am not; I do not mind

Dubi / July 28, 2008 4:41 PM

"He went to med school"

Since I plan to donate my body to science.

Gaigen / July 28, 2008 4:46 PM


"All those secrets of yours I promised to take to the grave? Dig me up and look inside my jacket pocket..."

Leelah / July 28, 2008 9:09 PM

I might have an answer for this if I hadn't spent the morning at a former student's funeral. Physically beautiful (she was the prom queen), brilliant (a medal-winning star of my Academic Decathlon team) and kinder than anyone (she was a girl scout until her senior year in high school), for her, and maybe for the rest of us, a brief epitaph cannot suffice.

mike-ts / July 29, 2008 2:08 AM

"I told you I was sick"

From a Key West gravestone.

JAH / July 29, 2008 9:03 AM

Ironically, I recently decided against both burial and cremation. Instead, I want to have my body encased in a giant crystal pyramid and shot into deep space.

Carrie / July 29, 2008 9:04 AM

Well since I either want to be buried in a rock in the ocean and become part of a coral reef, or be buried in a simple wood box and have a rock mark my spot, I probably won't have a tombstone either, but if I did, it'd probably say something like

"will always be remembered for her love of hamsters and all things cute"

David / July 29, 2008 9:46 AM

"I'm not here."

jennifer / July 29, 2008 10:49 AM

I'll be watching you.

Josh / July 29, 2008 11:18 AM

What's on Mozart's grave? Well, that doesn't matter much, does it?

Writing your own tombstone? A vain attempt to live from beyond the grave. A futile effort to either try and control our own death in some way, or control how we are perceived and remembered by others after we're gone.

I'll be dead. I won't have any choice in this matter.

Ramsin / July 29, 2008 11:41 AM

The temptation to put the Tetrapharmakos is strong; but better would be,
"Here Lies Ramsin Canon
'Y'all Are Weird For Putting a Fancy Rock Over my Rotting Corpse'"

Spook / July 29, 2008 12:04 PM


Pester / July 29, 2008 12:16 PM

"Here Lies Josh. He couldn't enjoy sh*t, even a frivlous internet Question-of-the-day"

Doug C / July 29, 2008 12:39 PM

Cardboard box, no embalming, with a tree planted above me and an engraved natural rock with a Walt Whitman poem, Song of Myself:
"I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love."
After reading that, I've thought too much about this.

Pester / July 29, 2008 1:26 PM

Thanks Spook for the idea:

"Here Lies (Pester). He Died Trying To Bring Sexy Back"

annie / July 29, 2008 1:42 PM

I can't believe how many of you have thought of this, or know that you want to be cremated or how you want to buried. The furthest I've ever thought about any of this is that I don't want to go to a Catholic hospital b/c they will keep me alive on some machine even when the outcome is bleak...after that, it's up to my husband and family. Guess, I should make some requests. Ugh, another thing for the To Do list.

Actually, I did mention to my husband that if I should die young and he wanted to re-marry; pictures of me should remain around the house and he should look for another red head named annie.

flange / July 29, 2008 2:02 PM

"i'm doing your MOM."

Steven / July 29, 2008 9:52 PM

I do want to be buried with all my organs and all my stuff. Not sure if I want to be buried in Rosehill in Chicago or near family in Michigan. I can't tolerate family in life, but I think I'd be able to deal with them in death. Anyway, I want a big, glorious tombstone, like the one Rick James has, and I want it to say something fabulous. MOST DEFINITELY not some stupid religious crap, make me vomit. Maybe something like "Having a fabulous time, wish you were here!" And if I outlive my dogs (as I hope I do) Spugi and Boner, I want their little mummified remains buried with me, just like Tut.

And listen up people. Death is something you need to think about and prepare for. Do you really want that sibling you can't stand deciding your final arrangements because you didn't think ahead? You'll end up buried next to a Wal-mart parking lot. Is that what you want? No I didn't think so.

loadzone / July 30, 2008 10:57 AM

"You're stepping on my head."

Mac / July 30, 2008 11:46 AM

"See You Later, Take It Easy"

Irisheyes1212 / July 31, 2008 1:56 PM

"Yes, my cats finally ate me."

linda niehoff / July 15, 2009 10:36 AM

This is not original with me:

Erected by her loving brothers,
In memory of Martha Clay,
Here lies one who did for others.
Now she's at peace,
And so are they.

chris / July 23, 2009 12:49 PM

Not mine but the best I have heard is from a grave in Key West, on the grave of a guy who used to sleep around a lot... "NOW I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE SLEEPING" from his loving wife

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15