Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Friday, March 1

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Steve / January 3, 2005 9:38 AM

Top 10 reasons that I hate my job -- an unranked, non-parallel list
-- Can't stand that my new boss doesn't know anything about our business
-- Feel creeped out around new boss after personally witnessing him picking his nose and failing to wash hands after using bathroom
-- Miss the days when I had some control over what projects I worked on
-- Depressed that year after year the firm continues to sink
-- Worn out by the daily routine on the CTA
-- Office coffee still sucks despite recent improvement efforts
-- Bummed that after 11 days off, I don't feel the least bit refreshed
-- Annoyed that my Pentium II laptop is so underpowered
-- Sad that one of the few remaining co-workers who I like is leaving us in two days
-- Tired of all these meetings in which I'm the only non-millionaire in the room

robin.. / January 3, 2005 9:47 AM

big top ten of 2004:

honourable mention: dishwasher, DIY trunk show, big tax return last april, excellent boots for chanukwanzmas, produce co-op, biking to work, young feminists book club, found a globe in the alley on monday night (late entry), laurie's planet of sound, borrowing all seven seasons of "buffy" on dvd, chris & mary's wedding, bistro campagne, matthew and nicole got engaged (very very late entry--announced at 10:30 pm, 31 december)

10. 25th anniversary edition of "london calling"
9. promotion at work (late entry)
8. read the final three dark tower books
7. mini college reunion on the beach in...delaware
6. march for women's lives
5. the pixies, em-effer, the PIXIES
4. worked for punk planet, bail, and joe meno
3. put on gurlesque burlesque
2. acquisition of best little kitty cat, honest elliott
1. chicago

and, the bottom ten:

10. TWO bouts of food poisoning
9. continued student debt: predictable but crappy.
8. death of julia child
7. right-wing voter drive (and eventual success) based on hate and fear
6. the tsunami (late entry)
5. stayed out all night and hurt my baby's feelings
4. tsunami again
3. that pesky war on iraq
2. the election results
1. the freaking tsunami

Thurston / January 3, 2005 9:54 AM

Current top ten things, in no order:

1) Pictures of dogs wearing clothing or otherwise posed as humans
2) Indian cuisine
3) Tropicalia music
4) The David Byrne film "True Stories"
5) "The Other Path" by Hernando de Soto
6) Panama
7) Mexican cuisine
8) Geeky, obsessive music collection and analysis
9) Passionate, literate babes
10) Temperatures above 70 degrees Fahrenheit

Mike / January 3, 2005 10:35 AM

Top 10 Reasons 2005 Will Be Better Than 2004

10. In politics, though the foxes are guarding the henhouse right now, they are bound to fail just out of sheer hubris, filibusters and unworkable ideology. The Phil Cranes of the country will use 2005 to prove they are f@ck-ups, the voters will notice. It's the season for laughter, as well as tears.
9. The housing market won't fully come out of it's glut, thus the rein of the Renter's Market continues. Go get a $1200 apartment for $900, you're worth it!
8. Obama
7. Maroon 5 will most likely not be able to pull another album.
6. Electronic gadgetry can only get better (the Motorola-Apple-iTunes thingy!)
5. Many U.S. cities are banning smoking (as a smoker, I still say this is a good thing)
4. We're due for the next unappreciated subculture to step up to the plate in music.
3. The Atkins diet is on the decline.
2. Hockey will start again next fall. It just has to.
1. Right now, the first day of spring is only 2.5 months away. The first day of winter however, is an entire 11.5 months away.

amyc / January 3, 2005 11:00 AM

"The Phil Cranes of the country will use 2005 to prove they are f@ck-ups, the voters will notice."

Uh, Mike? Phil Crane lost to Melissa Bean in November. Apparently the voters already noticed (at least in that district).

Andrew / January 3, 2005 11:05 AM

The NHL isn't having a season this year. Watch the Wolves instead.

Mike / January 3, 2005 11:09 AM


I know. There are a lot of "Phil Crane types" out there, that's what I meant.
When it comes to corruption (see: Tom DeLay, Daley, Kenneth Blackwell, etc.), hubris (see: Bush, Norm Coleman, 1/4 of the GOP, etc.) or just plain incompetence (see: 1/4 of the Democrats, Joe Lieberman, Denny Hastert, etc), the voters take their time recognizing the worst of the bunch. Crane was a good start though.

Craig / January 3, 2005 11:18 AM

Top ten things sitting on my desk this morning:

10. Steno pad
09. Cue Cat
08. Delorean
07. Caldo con sabor de Pollo
06. Sharpie
05. iPod
04. My elbows
03. Mikroman
02. Furilla
01. Coffee

amyc / January 3, 2005 11:22 AM

Random stuff I liked this year, randomly:

--DIY Trunk Show 2!
--Pixies at Aragon. Oh, Jesus.
--Osmanthus dragonwell tea from Aion
--Quitting my awful job. Boy, that was satisfying!
--"Hey, Fuck You," The Beastie Boys
--Red Dawn at It Came from the Neo-Futurarium
--Barack Obama, who kept the political year from being too bullet-swallowingly depressing -- best guilty pleasure
--The Office Christmas Special
--The Vegetarian Times kickass redesign

Andrew / January 3, 2005 11:24 AM

Wow, you have a CueCat? I tossed mine out a couple years ago.

Roni / January 3, 2005 11:42 AM

Top 10 Girlie Things About 2004

10: Boob-leakage discussions around the lunch table at work
9: The black stappy heels that cut the back of my ankles...but I look so good in them!
8: Desperate Housewives
7: Calling a truce on pink
6: Gawking at my new kitchen counter top and thinking "Christmas cookies!"
5: Telling my boss, "But this is the dressest I get!"
4: Digging out my mom's sewing machine (now to get it home)
3: Ella in her dresses
2: Ella in her "Book Worm" boys GAP t-shirt
1: Spending time with the grrls (Cinnamon, Jenn, Kat, Rev9) at the March for Women's Lives

katie / January 3, 2005 12:13 PM

top ten things I might do today know that I know I do not have to work*:

1. make pages in my scrapbook
2. draw some birds
3. go to the zoo to visit my favorite llama
4. take my fiance's pug for a walk
5. wander around The Paper Source, try not to spend any money
6. make appointments with the wedding florist, caterer, photographer
7. watch too much Style channel
8. iron
9. clean. (not likely.)
10. make a cake.

*how could I have FORGOTTEN we had a day off? an hour commute in the rain for nothing! nothing! sigh. at least I can do some of these fun things.

Pete / January 3, 2005 1:01 PM

Top Ten discoveries of the year

Musician: Elliott Smith
Book: The People's History of the United States, by Howard Zinn
Fiction Writer: Irene Zabytko
Artist: Jay Ryan
Media Source:
Political Columnist: Arianna Huffington
Public Servant: Eliot Spitzer
Coffee: Oromo Blend, from Intelligentsia
Restaurant: Thayer Brothers Deli, in Joliet
Family Member: Beth Janicek

eep / January 3, 2005 1:56 PM

Top Ten Things I Never Expected in 2004

10. Finally getting that pirate ship Iíve wanted since I was five.
9. How ďSmallvilleĒ has managed to suck me back in.
8. Finding pants that are too long.
7. How much money Iíve spent on car upkeep.
6. How much Iíve come to enjoy being alone.
5. The tsunami. I still canít fathom it all.
4. Staying at this job for so long.
3. That my grandma would still be alive and well.
2. The election results. WTF?
1. How amazing my sisterís baby is.

emily / January 3, 2005 2:07 PM

Top 10 things I'd like right now:

10. A rack of ribs.
9. 80 degrees and sun. And a beach. And a pina colada.
8. To be at home asleep.
7. Another 3 inches (without heels).
6. A coffee table that doesn't attack my shins when I walk by it.
5. A house.
4. To be debt free.
3. Another shot at New Year's Eve, minus excessive alcohol consumption.
2. A trust fund.
1. Another week of vacation.

emily / January 3, 2005 2:09 PM

replacement of #6: A car that isn't always demanding that we put money into it.

leah / January 3, 2005 3:07 PM

in response to emily's #7, how would putting shoes on it make it 3" longer? I don't get it.

Naz / January 3, 2005 3:26 PM

I think she meant that she wanted to be three inches taller (without shoes at all).

leah / January 3, 2005 3:38 PM

Naz--The perverse nature of that bad joke I attempted was not as obvious as I thought. Thanks, though!

paul / January 3, 2005 3:48 PM

Top Ten things I did within a day's drive from Chicago this year:

Checked out acres of orchids at Hausermann's in the middle of February.

The new ape house at the Lincoln Park Zoo on a weekday when there were less humans around.

Dinner at North Pond on a nice spring day.

Impressed some east coast tourists with an architectural boat tour on the river.

Hiked around the Mississippi Palisades on a nice June day.

Got a great spot for the Evanston 4th of July fireworks.

The Bean and Millennium Park while planes from the Air and Water Show praticed across a blue sky.

Hung out in the Hoosier National Forest, in southern Indiana, during the peak leaf season (also hung out there right before peak 'Brood X' cicada season in the spring, thus avoiding the noise and mess).

Allerton Park on a nice October day.

Enjoyed countless other nice days, working in shorts, on my porch this year. Who says we have crappy weather around here?

Naz / January 3, 2005 6:04 PM

Leah - ah, I see now. Heh.

B! / January 3, 2005 6:13 PM

10 most played Dolly Parton songs of 2004 according to the playlist wizards that live in the itunes-

10. Silver Dagger
9. Travelin' Prayer
8. Little Sparrow
7. Little Bit Slow To Catch On
6. Cash On The Barrelhead
5. The Bridge
4. I'm Gone
3. You're Gonna Be Sorry
2. Train Train
1. Shine

Lisa / January 3, 2005 7:32 PM

Top Ten Reasons I Love My Job

1. Having 30 teenagers as excited by the brilliance of the last sentence in Albert Camus' "The Stranger" as I am.
2. Emails from grateful kids that say this: "I was extremely depressed for the past few days and you have totally
uplifted my spirits. I usually don't burden people with my problems, but you must know how much you have impacted our lives. I don't know if you are religious or not, but you will be blessed TREMENDOUSLY. You have a heart of gold and I will never, ever, ever, forget you for this.."
3. Getting an overstuffed Homer stuck in a chimney and bunny slippers that say "Hey you made me throw up a little" as Christmas gifts.
4. Being able to get a roomful of teenagers to understand metaphysical poetry from the Renaissance without telling them outright what it means.
5. Being able to make a roomful of kids say that metaphysical poetry from the Renaissance is cool.
6. Discussions about whether immortality is a curse or a blessing.
7. The amusing way of discovering that my school is under investigation through a slanted newspaper article.
8. Getting to teach "Macbeth"
9. Having former students tell me that college English is easy since they had me as a teacher.
10. Having kids hug you when you come back from break because they missed you, even though you made them do a bunch of homework over break.

caitcat / January 3, 2005 11:22 PM

top ten things in no particular order

1. learning how to make the perfect batch of popcorn on the stovetop
2. getting five months of paid vacation thanks to my boss's very good fire insurance policy
3. the new fake fireplace in our apartment- i was a skeptic at first but now i love it
4. i have the best roommates in the world. seriously. and they never miss a chance to reference wet hot american summer
5. eating ridiculous amounts of sushi at tank in lincoln square
6. being car-free and loving it
7. making big beautiful quilts with dirty words sewn on them
8. eating bacon
9. having hula dancers at midnight mass on christmas eve rocked in a very bizarre way
10. the continued health and happiness of my nutty, nutty family

mike / January 4, 2005 2:07 AM

Top Ten Favorite Things Right Now In No Particular Order

1.Drown by Junot Diaz
2. Dynasty Warriors 4 for Playstation
3. Space heater in my room and uv light bulb that mimics Miami climate.
4. Chicago comedy
5. Empty apartment downstairs.
6. Bush's sagging face
7. My ticket to Bush's innaguration as a covert and angry Democrat..shhhhhhhhhh
8. Women smiling through their winter scarves.
9. old tapes of The State
10. friends and family

mike / January 4, 2005 2:08 AM

Friends and Family #1, rest in no particular order.

davin / January 4, 2005 9:20 AM

top 10 complaints
1.ceiling in kitchen caving in due to pipe breaking place to sleep due to ceiling caving in running for over a week due to ceiling caving in
4.ruined george foreman grill (and all appliances) due to ceiling caving in
5.stinky apartment due to ceiling caving in
6.everything dirty due to ceiling caving in
7.not spending new years with the people i wanted to
8.being at the gun fight on division and milwaukee on sunday still not being fixed
10.gloomy days and regretable new years

and in an effort to trump that list and put myself in a better mood -- top ten things i am happy about.
1. my new ira glass/chris ware dvd from wbez
2. the book that comes along with the dvd. equally exciting.
3. a friend who put me up for the night last night and made me pancakes this morning!
4. new tshirts and cds that are in the mail
5. borrowing my father's car
6. my ipod and the music i keep forgetting i have
7. napoleon dynamite on dvd
8. intelligentsia coffee
9. wasting time on
10. another day to try and get it right

puma / January 4, 2005 10:21 AM

Top 10 Nuts:

1. brazil
2. cashew
3. chestnut
4. almond
5. pinenut
6. peanut(in the shell)
7. walnut
8. pecan
9. hazelnut
10. macadamia

matt wilson / January 4, 2005 10:23 AM

My Top 10 Things I was excited about in 2004
10. Discovering the new bands of 2004
9. Discovering Punk Rock night at Bottom Lounge (when it still existed)
8. Discovering H & M (the store, not the mistaken abbreviation for a sexual preference)
7. Actually thinking the U.S. would get rid of Bush (I guess we are all dumber than we thought, huh?)
6. Stumbling across Gapers Block (new fav. web site)
5. Ben Folds at Ravinia (at number 5 because I was sadly let down when I found out he wasn't headlining. Not only that but Rufus sucked, and I am saying that as a fan.)
4. Buying my record player
3. Falling in love
2. Getting in my first real show in Chicago (as an actor)
1. Moving to Chicago

matt / January 4, 2005 10:24 AM

My Top 10 Things I was excited about in 2004
10. Discovering the new bands of 2004
9. Discovering Punk Rock night at Bottom Lounge (when it still existed)
8. Discovering H & M (the store, not the mistaken abbreviation for a sexual preference)
7. Actually thinking the U.S. would get rid of Bush (I guess we are all dumber than we thought, huh?)
6. Stumbling across Gapers Block (new fav. web site)
5. Ben Folds at Ravinia (at number 5 because I was sadly let down when I found out he wasn't headlining. Not only that but Rufus sucked, and I am saying that as a fan.)
4. Buying my record player
3. Falling in love
2. Getting in my first real show in Chicago (as an actor)
1. Moving to Chicago

A.Khan / January 4, 2005 10:43 AM

the top things that rock me right now:
1. being single again (forgot how much it rocked)
2. moving around on whims and still having everything work out
3. my brother (#1 actually)
4. my friends, those i left and those i made (#2)
5. my kitty--a giant ball of luv
6. being alive--enjoying it even when things seem to suck
7. having more cojones than i know what to do with
8. shoes. love my shoes. all of them
9. finally learning to kickbox
10. no idea--but the day is young.

matthew / January 4, 2005 11:09 AM

top, uh hem, eleven reasons i'm feeling pretty good about the world today.

number one with a bullet: engagement to the love of my life, nicole

and the rest at the whim of my recollection:
2. finally finding a great apartment in a vibrant neighborhood after a year and a half of disastrous moves
3. renewed focus of political, activist and personal aims
4. seeing newly archived, restored, expanded and held-over prints of the following films (which, coincidentally, were the best offerings of the year!): Early Films of George and Mike Kuchar, Playtime, The Big Red One, and Los Angeles Plays Itself
5. new years day breakfast at tweet with an old friend.
6. maintaining meaningful friendships with new and old buddies, while getting past those that have expired.
7. the unheralded chicago punk, folk-rock and metal music released last year
8. new mp3 for listening to said music
9. the many architectural and natural wonders, both quiet and widely celebrated, this here city has to offer
10. greater access to an unprecedented, qualitative wealth of culture
11. morrissey's '68 Comeback at the aragon

the baddies: religious fundamentalism, tsunami, political gains couched in bald hatred and greed, wars based on the same, and proposed cta cuts

Lisa / January 4, 2005 11:49 AM

Top Ten Things I've loved about Chicago since I moved here in September. (No particular order)

1. Not having to worry about gas prices due to no car in the city.
2. Over 18 shows at the Metro. No little kids, nice size venue, good times.
3. The El running under my apartment, I love the constant noise.
4. All the concerts I've been too...Muse, Interpol, The Libertines, The Hives, Franz Ferdinand, just too many and too fun.
5. Late night drunken meals at Clarkes on Belmont.
6. The bum by my building that walks around screaming BOOM! I LIKE THAT!
7. The amazing friends I've met since I moved here.
8. Being in the same city as an Apple Store, H&M, and Sephora. Thank God...
9. Staring out my window at all the downtown lights and the sears tower covered in fog.
10. Living this part of my life where I belong.

steven / January 4, 2005 12:20 PM

10 things i'm happy about right now (in no particular order, except for #1)

1- my wife, liza
2- our cat, lilly
3- the 4 day work week this week
4- my ipod
5- feeling refreshed at work after the holidays
6- the turkey sandwich i'm currently having for lunch
7- all the donations being sent to the tsunami victims
8- not being as hungry as i was 15 minutes ago
9- spring training starts in 1.5 months
10- finishing off the arrested development dvd last night. the bluthe family rocks.

Overwrought Mind / January 4, 2005 12:21 PM

Top 10 Current Things, in no particular order:

1) Love
2) 8 oz. Diet Coke's
3) Trying my hand at cooking
4) New blog
5) Contemplating the future
6) Temps in the 40's and 50's
7) Three day weekends (Mondays off)
8) Trader Joe's
9) Johnson & Johnson products
10) Boyshort panties

Leo / January 4, 2005 2:16 PM

Top Ten Memorable Dreams

1) Being attacked by ravenous seals in an underwater world
2) Being an angel of death
3) Having sex with Candice Bergen
4) Having my leg gnawed at by a binturong (there should be one at the Brookfield Zoo if you don't know what that is)
5) My dad wearing a see-through leopard-print shirt
6) Pouring some sugar on my naked friend as "Pour Some Sugar on Me" played as the dream's soundtrack.
7) Having a conversation with Kurt Cobain about why he committed suicide
8) Flying (using my arms) to the strip club because I was tired of riding my bike
9) My brother becoming the 5th member of U2. That same night he had a dream about being invited on stage by U2-- we must've been listening to U2 before we went to bed
10) The worst president in American history got re-elected-- WHAT?! That wasn't a dream?!

S / January 4, 2005 10:11 PM

Top 10 Things "I Didn't" (and glad of it):

1. ... lose a family member to suicide despite the attempt
2 ...get hit by a bus (it was close)
3 ...go to the hospital
4. ... get food poisoning
5. ...get fired or laid off
6. ...have to move
7. ...go on vacation with the family
8. ...get mugged
9 ...spend my savings
10 ...get caught cheating

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