Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Thursday, March 30

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


daruma / July 12, 2005 11:09 AM

One - but at least two were CANCELLED! Boys are scumbags.

Alex / July 12, 2005 11:12 AM

Thank god only one.

Erica / July 12, 2005 11:16 AM

We only had one wedding this year and it was pretty memorable. It was a super religious Sunday afternoon ceremony in a church that was converted from a warehouse club store right off the highway. "I remember this place! My grandpa used to take me shopping here!" my husband said.

The ceremony was long preachy. The preacher also said something weird about how the bride would give the groom backrubs after a long day of work or something -- totally straight faced. The reception was dry. No DJ, either. Of course, who would want to dance if you're sober and it's a Sunday night?

waleeta / July 12, 2005 11:49 AM

1 in August I have to fly back to Chicago for. Apparently I need to bring a date. Takers?

I went to a super religious dry wedding once. I reminded the bride and groom that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at...a wedding.

Charlie / July 12, 2005 11:58 AM


sky / July 12, 2005 12:12 PM

I have 2 and am actually looking forward to them! One of my favorite wedding experiences was in Iowa where the bride came down the isle to a christian rock song over the speakers, the pastor had a permed mullet, and they had funny music to be played throughout the when the first kiss occurred. After the service we all went to this park reserve that surrounded some kind of arena. The reception was in some kind of hanger with fold-up chairs, pink plastic table covers, and those paper bells all over the place, oh and it was buffet style. To top it all off, no one was really able to hear anyone give their speeches because, in the mysterious arena, was a monster truck ralley. Seriously. Finally, after many attempts to toast the bride and groom, we all went out to the ralley and the wedding party got on the monster truck. Good times. You gotta love the midwest.

chicagolife / July 12, 2005 12:25 PM

Two. The first was a blast, although I don't remember most of it, after I got drunk and referred to some of the old ladies there as "blue hairs."

Cinnamon / July 12, 2005 12:52 PM

I'm going to two this year. They'll each be very different, but I'm liking that I can take the train home from each one instead of having to drive several hours to get home the next day. It'll be nice for a change.

Overwrought / July 12, 2005 12:58 PM

One in August.

My best and worst story is about the wedding I stood up in last November.

First, I was barely even friends with this person from high school and the only non-family member standing up. The bride had TWO ceremonies, one Catholic, one Indian, and the Indian ceremony was on a Friday, so I had to take the day off.

After spending nearly $250 on the dress for the Catholic service, the bride to be asked if I wanted her fiance's husband to pick me up a cheap sari whie they were in India for the Indian ceremony, she stressed her whole family would be wearing one. So I said yes. When it arrived, it was entirely TOO small, not able to be fixed. In a panic, I went to Devon and dropped another $200 for a sari and jewelry.

On the day of the Indian ceremony, in the chaos because no one knew what was going on or what to do, I was told by one of her sisters that the ceremony was "family only" and I ended up sitting amongst the guests. I could have worn a dress I already owned.

Overall, I dropped $1,000 on a wedding for someone I wasn't close to. At all.

I used to dream of being in my friend's weddings. Now I hope the last wedding I ever stand up in is my own. That is, if I even ger married.

waleeta / July 12, 2005 1:23 PM

hey - chicagolife- make that 3! You are officially my date for the August wedding. No one else I know can dance.

Lacey / July 12, 2005 1:25 PM

2 weddings, both Baha'i. One is my own. Let it be known that one of the good things about Baha'i weddings is that they are short.

There were lots of coreographed dances at the wedding we went to in June, but there was only time to dance to 3 songs. Odd? Okay, odd given that the bride is a professional dancer? See what I'm sayin'? But it was lovely.

I will make every attempt in existence to make our reception fun, but I'm sorry, it will be dry (the American Indian Center doesn't allow alcohol, we were even going to make it BYOB...oh well).

eep / July 12, 2005 1:31 PM

I was supposed to go to three weddings this summer, but ended up going to none as 1) I didn't have the money to go, and 2) I just started a new job and couldn't get the time off. All would have been great trips, too. One at Macinack Island, another in sunny California, and the third in Iceland. Iceland, people!

I have another wedding to go to at the end of the summer, but I don't really want to go. I only got invited because my friend/ex-boyfriend is in the wedding party, and I think they assumed I'd go with him. However, he and I *aren't dating anymore.* Why would we go as a couple? (If that's what they think is the case, why give me an invitation? And if I'm a guest on my own merit, how's about letting me bring a date so I'm not bored out of my skull?) Everyone else I know who will be there is also in the wedding party, so I'll be spending the entire time alone, watching my not-boyfriend's friends, whom I was never close to in the first place, get married. To top it off, the happy couple has only registered at a swank store that I can't afford to shop at. In conclusion, I'm not going. Stupid weddings.

Brandy / July 12, 2005 1:53 PM

Zero. Not complaining 'bout that.

eliina / July 12, 2005 2:14 PM

Just one, and I actually missed the ceremony (sorry guys!). Four of us were driving together and we were stuck waiting for a train to go by on the way from the hotel to the ceremony site. The reception and day-after brunch were fun though, and we watched the video of the ceremony the next day.
And I must say, one was just enough.

Roni / July 12, 2005 3:07 PM

ZERO! No Crate & Barrel shopping for me this summer.

Paula / July 12, 2005 3:29 PM

Also a big fat ZERO! Hooray - no drinking cheap wine and eating dried out chicken for me!

I also went to a super-religious wedding once - the bride & groom met at Bob Jones College (home to supervised 'courting rooms' among other outmoded things) and they looked like they wanted to reception over as fast as possible so they could retire to their hotel room and finally have sex.

Eamon / July 12, 2005 3:29 PM

None for me, which is too bad. I love weddings.

Steve / July 12, 2005 3:39 PM

Just one, and it's already past.

It was a wacky one, though. Held outdoors on a non-working farm in Lebanon, IN. The food? Indian, of course, brought 45 minutes north from Indy and eaten in a tent about 100 feet from the love grotto where the five-minute ceremony took place. The bride had relatives in from Chile, so there was some quality dancing. Lots of hippies (the groom is a caver), so many "safety meetings" took place out in the barn. At 10 pm, the bonfire -- an accumulation of three years' worth of scrap wood and brush -- was lit; a few minutes later, a possum ran out from it, terrified. Naturally, someone's dog pounced on the animal and killed it instantly, which led to the groom pitching it onto the fire.

And the next morning, the bride's parents insisted we brunch with them, so we wound up eating at a golf club/resort right next to the speedway -- and got seated across from several Chileans, who had as little English as we had Spanish.

Good times. And since the groom was convinced that I only drink dark beer, he had several cases of Guinness at the reception, which barely got touched -- so he made me take all the leftovers back home. Mmmmmmm, such a splendidly refreshing summer brew....

Y A J / July 12, 2005 4:51 PM

Only one wedding this summer, just past. Big, swanky event downtown. I'm sure we were the only guests that took the Orange Line; he in a tux, me in a little black dress (thank goddess no CTA hell to report!).

It started with a feminist / liberal version of a Jewish ceremony – e.g. they both broke glass at the end. The bride looked like a Disney princess, which was great because she’s really a tough attorney.

16 piece disco/big band and dancing late into the evening. Best. Food. Ever. A wall of ice frosting the vodka & gin for the martini bar. If you get invited to an event at the Standard Club – GO! It was a glorious celebration and such a difference from the usual thing.

leelah / July 12, 2005 6:17 PM

One. It was in England and I hear the ceremony was nice, but I missed it. I told the groom that I was late because I was at Live 8, and for some reason, he believed me, so I had people coming up to me all throughout the night asking me how Live 8 was.

The reception was at a posh estate... It used to belong to Gilbert (you know, Sullivan's partner) The men in the wedding party wore morning suits and top hats, the women wore hats, and there were delicious fancy drinks out on the great lawn before dinner was served.

JP / July 12, 2005 9:27 PM

I have been to three weddings so far this summer and I got laid each time. There is just something about all that drinking and dancing that makes me want to go home with someone or at least out to the parking lot behind the catering van. Here is a tip for you though. Never wear high heels when doing it standing up. Not unless you want a sprained ankle and everyone (and I do mean everyone) asking you why you cant walk straight.

I have one more wedding to go in August and my fingers are the only thing I plan on keeping crossed :o)

peanut / July 13, 2005 12:07 AM

Three this summer, the first of which is a week before my 30th birthday--sure to reinforce lonely feelings of singledom. But with the kelly green/dark brown theme, the vegetarian food and mamba band, surely a good time will be had by someone.

The second wedding is for my friend who i really thought might never get laid, ever, for the rest of his life. Now he'll have a built-in, guaranteed lay whenever he wants one. That's how marriage works, see?

The third is for my lovely friends who will undoubtedly have a lovely ceremony, etc. I am buying croquet sets for them all.

Sarah / July 13, 2005 8:43 AM

I will be attending the wedding of my second cousin on my father's side, whom I have never met. However, her name and mine are identical except she spells her name without the H.

I have met her mom and her brother before --at a funeral. And talked to her dad a few times. He calls when he is in town for the weekend ---one hour before they are leaving and after chatting for 30 mintues realizes he should have been inviting me over at the beginning of the call (or maybe calling at the beginning of the weekend???)

My dad's family has a reputation for being really, really, really close-fisted about money, so I have NO idea how this wedding is going to play out. Pray for me.

Sarah / July 13, 2005 8:44 AM

Oh, but the fact that (despite being FAMILY and coming in from out of town) we are not invited to the rehearsal dinner. Yeah. Exactly. I would back out, but it is too late.

Naz / July 13, 2005 9:47 AM

I've attended one wedding this year so far, which I was the co-photographer of. Hands down, perhaps the best wedding I've ever been to: a burlesque show, a magician, really good food and amazing cake, toys and games for guests, themed as sort of a 50's hipster lounge cat shindig and good music. Oh yeah.

Divorced e_five / July 13, 2005 11:48 AM

I've only been to one wedding in my life, and that didn't work out too well.

mike / July 13, 2005 1:37 PM

None this summer, but last year my friends were married outside at a former farm (now a bed and breakfast) in Iowa, surrounded by green hills and acres of corn. Afterwards, Robbie Fulks (along with his band, including steel guitar and fiddle) performed for over two hours in the former barn (now a Cracker Barrelish-kitchy reception hall). It was a fun, loud and rowdy good time that fit the crowd and the couple perfectly. And Robbie recorded the whole thing, so now I have three (!) burned CDs full of live Robbie songs, including "Going to the Red Barn (Chapel)" and a goofy, improvised very tounge-in-cheek rap in which Robbie observes that nothing really rhymes with "Iowa." It was cool. I even overheard the band members, inbetween sets, talking to each other about how much fun it was.

Staci / July 13, 2005 3:24 PM

I'm in one wedding this summer, and I'm in the process of planning the bridal shower right now. The craziest and most fun wedding I've been to was in southern Indiana. The bride was the sister of a friend's college roommate -- I was the friend's date. I was told to dress casual so I showed up in a sun dress. The bride's brother immediately told me I was overdressed and handed me a Van Halen t-shirt and ratty jean cut-offs to wear. Everyone in the group I came with was asked to change into similar outfits. The bride (in a white sun dress) and the groom (in khakis and a t-shirt) were married on the back of a flatbed truck. After the ceremony, the bride changed into a white shorts and t-shirt and the groom wore the same, but in black. They had a hog roast and we drank a lot of beer and played horseshoes. I caught the bouquet, so their wedding album has a pic of me in the bride's brother's grungy Van Halen tee, which I find amusing.

tony / July 13, 2005 11:37 PM

One wedding--my brother's. FINALLY. Hehe. Since it's yet to come, no stories. But the last one I was at, I was one of the bridespersons... didn't wear a dress, though. Now THAT would have been awesome. Or...not. I don't think I'd look good in a dress.

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15