|« Best Buy Teams Up with Chicago Fire||Only the goalies »|
Bears Wed Oct 14 2009
Football's equivalent to crystal meth* ["Not even once" is the anti-meth slogan for a reason-Ed.], T.O. is rumored to be potentially heading to the Second City for the remainder of the season for too much money and not enough performance. Now, for the sheer sake of entertainment value, do I want this to happen? Hell and Yeah! However, if you're a fan of the Bears: NO, NO, NO, NO. Lions, Packers, Vikings fans? YES, YES, YES!
No T.O. Because ...drumroll please...
- Bears Do Not Need Dramz: Johnny Knox, Devin Hester, Greg Olsen, Jay Cutler, et al, all have such a nice working rapport. Cutler throws the ball to them and they catch it. Do you really want a prima donna, 36!!! year-old wideout, whose best years were five seasons ago?
- That's Right T.O. is 36 and still behaves like he's 15: Honestly, the Bills signed him this season to what? sell tickets? catch touchdowns? improve the team? Who really knows. Buffalo fired their offensive coordinator days before the season started and their offense is offensive [Zing! -Ed.]; Trent Edwards is a shell-shocked husk of a man begging for death's sweet release, the o-line is in shambles and they scored all of 3 points in a 6-3 loss to a Cleveland in a game so awful that 70% of the viewers stabbed their own eyes out** last weekend.
- "O, we've got trouble, right here in River City, with a capital-T that stands for Terrell": Owens is officially a pariah of Marburyian levels. He's left locker rooms across the NFL (San Francisco, Philly, Dallas, Buffalo) with Geiger readings off-the-charts, he's that radioactive. Asbestos causes fewer cases of cancer in the locker room than T.O. Bears fans, you do not want T.O.
*Because he makes you grind your teeth to the point that you resemble a meth head and you feel the urge to take everything apart to avoid watching his "alligator arms"during a game; the euphoric energy and sensation of invulnerability, not so much.