Bears Fri Jul 29 2011

Footballic Ramblings: The NFL Returns

By Brian Lauvray

Well, well, well, look who's come crawling out of hibernation just in time for training camp. No, dear reader, I refer not to Albert Haynesworth, nor Reggie Bush, but to myself. Yes, your sloven, hack NFL blogger has returned to discuss (ridicule) the Chicago Bears and to relish (relish) in the NFL's impending 2011 season.

I know, I know, it's only the preseason, but there's already so much to discuss! Spoiler: I defend the Greg Olsen trade, and by proxy, Mike Martz ("The dirt's not coming off!"); applaud not re-signing Rashied Davis; ridicule Kristin Cavallari; feel indifferent about signing Jacksonville's punter --Note: this will change; and speculate about what else the Bears will do before their Week One (9/11, Never Forget) match with the Dirty Birds from ATL.

The Olsen Trade

Defend Olsen all you want, Lord knows I have, but the man never emerged as the legitimate havoc-wreaking, wrecker of secondaries and linebackers alike that he's always had the potential to be. At first blush of hearing Olsen being shipped, I had a harangue about Mike Martz being some crotchedy dickbag who constantly neglects the tight end position, but then I chilled for a moment and realized the harangue isn't worth it. Olsen last season, in what turned out to be his second-least productive season as an Ursa Chicago, delivered his standard 5 touchdowns and a not unexpected "mere" 9.9 yards per reception. But cop the facts: Olsen averaged 10.6 in 2008, beyond that he's always averaged close to 10 yards per catch and, well, no, he was never going to emerge as a Pro Bowler in the Second City with Mike Martz at the helm of the offense. Let's be real, Olsen, for all the potential he showed as a downfield threat, was not what the Bears needed at tight end. Chicago (STILL!) has glaring holes along the offensive line and Olsen is not, by any measure, what you would call an exceptional or, heck, even adequate, blocking tight end. It was constantly a blown assignment, a blitzing defensive back's wet dream to see Olsen line up: "YES! I can blitz!" Et cetera.

"But Footballic Ramblings, Jay Cutler and Greg Olsen were like PB + J, peas in a pod, STDs on Kristin Cavallari." I know, and you know what? The NFL is a business. The people "playing" on Sunday's are professionals who have to deal with the facts as they are. Maybe freeing up the space by trading Olsen and releasing (the astronomically overpriced $6.1 million!!!) Brandon Manumaleuna will afford your Chicago Bears to find some awesome offensive line options and allow them to plug in the adequate Matt Spaeth in red zone situations for the same touchdowns Olsen always caught.

Later, Rashied Davis

Here, let me be a jerk for a minute, Rashied Davis found his way onto the Bears in 2006 because the Bears, as a franchise, are incredibly cheap, downright miserly! Davis, to his credit, then bilked the team for another five seasons while doing nothing. In five full season, Davis accrued 88 receptions, 1,032 yards and five touchdowns, aka, what "normal" teams expect from a star receiver over the course of a season. Davis is on the wrong side of 32 as this training camp commences and the Lions are a perfectly suitable place for him --riding the pine behind MoTown's very stacked stable of wideouts. Adios, Rashied.

The Walking Human Garbage That Is Kristin Cavallari

I stand by what I said, re: Cavallari last fall. I give Jay Cutler mad props for finally recognizing a sycophantic jackass for what she is. Human garbage comes in many a stripe and, well, here be thee sycophantic, attention glomming version. Cutler receives the lion's share of criticism --I for one have praised his glories and damned his sins-- and he deserves it all as a QB for what purportedly is a Super Bowl challenger from a year ago. Still, the man makes his own decisions and moves off the field and I applaud him for ignoring the harsh, glossy, crass superficial "sexiness" (eventually) to recognize her for the harpy she is. Please, if you feel the same way I do about her, let Cavallari know on her Twitter account (she even has one of those nifty blue checkmarks!).

The Punter Situation

Later, Maynard. I always thought of "Sober" by Tool when I heard your name and I thought you were pretty decent overall. Still, I'm willing to give this new guy from Jacksonville a fair shake before I lament your departure.

Predictions

We'll see what the weekend bears out (pun!) for moves and maneuvers and I'll have a season preview/review of what's shaken out some time later next week. Thanks for reading!