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Tuesday, April 16

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Bears Wed Aug 12 2015

Tips for Watching Bears Preseason Opener

Chicago BearsDid you know the Bears open up their preseason on Thursday against Miami? Me neither.

Outside of the "OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH KEVIN WHITE" story lines at Bears camp, it's been pretty low key. The offensive unit is almost entirely the same minus loudmouth Brandon Marshall spread out wide, and the defense is loaded with players that either sucked in the 4-3 defense a season ago, or a new guy whose name you don't know.

That means it's time to reacclimate yourself with Bears football. Marc Trestman is gone, replaced by the universally respected John Fox, who's been to the Super Bowl on a few occasions, but has yet to bring home the Lombardi Trophy as the head honcho. Don't expect that to change anytime soon.

Step one to watching Thursday's night opener: print yourself a roster. I recommend sorting it by number for ease of use, but to each his own. Don't do something stupid and try to memorize all the players names you don't know. 37 of those guys aren't going to be around three weeks from now, so don't waste your time.

Next, don't fret on how good/bad Jay Cutler looks. It's his 79th new offensive coordinator since he's gotten to the Bears. OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, but I'm not kidding when I say it's his fifth in seven years. Want to know how the other four are doing since donning the headset from hell? One is the head coach at FIU, another is a TV analyst, the third is an offensive line coach, and the most recent was in the slammer a few weeks ago.

As for the new guy, Adam Gase, he's interviewed and flirted with just about every head coaching vacancy in the NFL the past few offseasons, and any semblance of success with Cutler will almost certainly lead to a promotion somewhere else. That probably won't happen, but the decision won't be made one way or the other after a few snaps on Thursday. Ease up, and don't overreact.

Also, don't jump to conclusions on the defense just yet. The Bears D in 2014 was arguably the franchise's worst, and they're changing schemes while employing mostly players that have never played in it before. If there's a guy in the NFL that can make these guys look half way decent, it's Vic Fangio, but he's no magician. He had a boatload of All Pro's in San Francisco, and might have one in Chicago if he says his prayers before bedtime every night.

And for your health and wellness, whatever you do, DO NOT watch the second half of the game. Jimmy Clausen will either be wishing the game were over, or the Bears will be halfway through Shane Carden town. Either way, it'll be a dumpster fire. I'll take care of all the heavy lifting and will report back with who looked good and who looked like it was the first preseason game.

Welcome back, Bears. We could've done without you for a few more months...

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