Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Sunday, July 21

Gapers Block

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I've just had enough this week. No more hand wringing. No more crying. No more utter depression over what may (or may not, you never know) happen to this country with another four years under the thumb of a glorified Monchichi. Because I've had way too many discussions about what the fuck is about to happen to the Supreme Court after the octo- and septuagenarians finally kick it really old skool, I am going to swing the other way. If our country can yearn for other times, so can I. And what I'm nostalgic for is anything base. Anything crass.

Thanks, Classifieds. You'll always be there for me. Now, on with the anal.

Anal Sex - m4w - 24
Where are all the chicks that like it in the Ass ?

A good question, actually. One would think that there is a special island where all you horny impalers (wait, you'll get it later) could go and revel in acres, nay, miles of willing female ass. But since this is the real world and not Xanadu, the quest for the willing woman must go on.

Though I have few concrete clues to help your quest, I would advise you simply ask your lady. Assplay is here to stay, says Cosmo!

Wanted those itty bitty titty females - m4w
I have always liked those females that have those itty bitty titty's, if you like them caressed, played with, licked and sucked, i'm your guy, they do say more than a mouthful is a waste, if you want it a one time deal, or maybe a once a week visit, email me back, i am a cool single average looking 44 year old white male. If this sounds fun, lets do it.

Growing up, my family raised sheep, cows, and pigs on our little ranch. And anyone with a similar background will probably remember Bag Balm, its distinct green can, as well as the piercing bleat of an animal whose teats have been tugged at just a bit too much.

The directions read, "Massage on caked bag."

Bi married business guy needs your cock down my throat. I have a place in western burbs (home office) and can play week days here or travel to you. porn to watch as I service you. Not into any hugging, kissing, anal. Just great cock sucking. I am 6'4", 235, salt & pepper hair, brown eyes, good looking, sun tanned, safe. sane. dd/free and of course super discreet. Not into any games, reply with all of your stats (cock size also) married or?? location and when u want to use my mouth.

As I get mired deeper and deeper into the grown-up world of professional obfuscation, a.k.a. advertising, I have begun to loathe bullshit business-speak and absolutely refuse to use it. One of the biggies? One-stop shop. "We're a one-stop shop for all you blah blah needs!" I guarantee you, you aren't.

This guy is not a one-stop shop. He is best of breed. "We offer best of breed CRM solutions for blah blah." And I suppose that, when it comes to matters of cock, sucking, and cocksucking, it pays to specialize.

i'm hot, horny and want to suck your cock! - w4m - 22
22/f looking for a big, hard cock. i love to suck dick, fuck, anal, no strings attached - all i want is a big cock and a man who wants to impale me with it.

Ah, now we have come to Vladita, the woman who's waiting to be impaled with your purple-headed love warrior.

I chose this ad because "impale me" is a ridiculous expression. But you know, really, it's not that far off. Because there are times when "faster and harder" just aren't enough.

Dirty Secrets Sex Poll
1. Age - 46
2. Sex - M
3. How many partners have you had? Too many to count (probably over 1,000)
4. Have you ever had more than 1 partner at a time and what sexes? Oh God, yes, just this past weekend, I went to a sex party and had sex with 8 or 9 different guys, both passive and active.
5. Ever had Anal sex and how was it? Many, many times, usually on top, but sometimes on the bottom as well. It's all good.
6. Sexual situation you would never tell anyone about? Having sex at lunchtime in a stall of a busy McDonalds 7. Ever been forced or blackmailed to perform a sex act? Forced, yes. Blackmail, no.
8. Ever had sex with your professor or teacher? Sex with professors and teachers, but never my own.
9. Give it up to get something? I once got naked for a guy so he could beat off while looking at me. He paid me $150. 10. Your fantasy? To be the object of a hot all-male gang bang. Put me in a sling and line 'em up!

Oh, Alan Keyes. Stop! It's time to get back to packing. Maryland is calling.

Seriously though. Sex in a McDonald's stall? Yes. Because nothing is hotter than the smell of grease, warm pickles, and the cleaner they use for the floors. Cuidado! Piso mojado! Mojado, indeed.

Is this enough nastiness to get me over this week's defeat? Not really. But every little bit of distraction helps right now. It also felt good to write a tidy check to the Secret and Cool Underground Tunnel to Canada Fund.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking, and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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