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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, November 30

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On the Web Wed Jul 25 2012

My Undateable Bookshelf

The Huffington Post recently published a list of 9 Books that Make You Undateable. This article screamed out to me because I'm single woman who loves to read -- and in fact I write about books and dating.

On my completed and read list was only The Great Gatsby and Confederacy of Dunces, which should only declare me 2/9 undateable. I read The Great Gatsby in high school American Literature, so does that really count? Yes, I am quite embarrassed to confess I have not read On the Road or Anna Karenina (I blame my public schooling). Recalling how my college boyfriend was obsessed with Atlas Shrugged, I do see how that could have been a red flag waving to me. Our relationship did not work out -- "Enough said," as the Huffington Post points out.

Thinking twice about this, I decided to inspect my bookshelf and declare which titles keep me from finding someone. Here is what I came up with:

You Can Make Him Like You by Chicago author, Ben Tanzer. This is a lovely little novel about relationships and growing up, but by first glance, it may seem as though I'm plotting on how to force men to like me.


Size 12 is Not Fat by Meg Cabot. One may think this title implies that I'm justifying my curvy self, but it's actually a cute novel/mystery about a woman, Heather Wells, who is employed by a New York City college. She ends up being a murder sleuth. With my background in student affairs and obsession with 48 Hours Mystery, this book is on point. But I understand potential suitors may be a bit put off seeing this title on my shelf.

Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler. I actually haven't read this title, though I've been meaning to. I would be lying to you if I told you I did not receive this as a birthday present and if people have not told me they see myself in her. I'm not sure this is the most of appealing traits about me.

Also, not pictured:

  • I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe, in hardback. I really had to wait for the newly released Charlotte? We all remember that embarrassing sex scene.

  • Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, also in hardback. I'm a closeted Nicholas Sparks fan. So what? So I suppose this makes me a hopeless, ridiculous romantic who reads ridiculous romantic fiction that is the same story repeated with different character names.

  • Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar. I swear I owned it before it was a TV show. I promise.

So all in all, I thank technology for the invention of Kindles, where one can read an embarrassing title on the L. 50 Shades of Grey readers, please take note.

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