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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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lucky in love / February 9, 2009 12:31 PM

best - got a text message saying too busy to date

craziest - after inviting herself along to a long afternoon/evening of fanny-pack-friday bar-hopping with my friends, this girl i've been seeing a few weeks and i proceed to have a yelling match alongside Wicker Park. i'm wearing a nascar fanny pack, sipping from a bottle of whiskey the whole time. no less than a dozen people stopped to compliment the fanny pack or ask for a swig of whiskey. ends poorly with her storming off and me polishing off the whiskey.

worst - picking up a girl early one morning to get coffee to break up with her. she's not ready so i come inside and meet her mom (college years). we're at coffee. i tell her it's over and then drive her home while she calls me 'evil.' two weeks later she called and was fake pregnant. awesome.

hop / February 9, 2009 12:45 PM

Oh boy, the best and most recent was when I was dumped while naked. I spent the night with my boyfriend while my parents were staying in my studio apartment during a visit. We were all supposed to meet up for breakfast, but when I woke up that morning my boyfriend and I started talking and he dumped me. I was crying and naked and now dumped. After a few choice words on my part, I ended up driving my parent's rental car back to my apartment about two hours late for breakfast. There's something extra depressing (and I suppose a little comforting as well) about being an adult and crying- because you've been dumped- in front of your parents.

annie / February 9, 2009 12:54 PM

When I asked my ex-husband to go to marriage counseling with me, he said I should just "shit or get off the pot." A month later he was out of town and I moved out, three months later we were divorced. So I guess I shit...

David / February 9, 2009 2:11 PM

Got a breakup letter from my then-girlfriend of two years, telling me she'd kissed another guy and needed "time to figure things out."

The letter was sent from the summer camp where she was a counselor. Camp had no phones, no internet, and basically no closure for me until about two months later.

fluffy / February 9, 2009 6:21 PM

I heard from a friend of a friend that my then-boyfriend got drunk at a party and pulled another guy's pants down. We talked about it and since he was gay, we broke up. This was in high school. ugh.

Let's hear it for love! / February 9, 2009 6:28 PM

Had a clandestine relationship with my boss for a year (no affair, both of us were single, but it would still "look bad"). He dumped me via email a week before my birthday. Couldn't say anything about how miserable I was because I still worked for him.

What's worse is that I stupidly got back together with him for a few months before figuring out (looked at his phone and read a text) he was seeing someone else, and that was the end of that.

Less than a year after this nonsense ended, he got engaged to some lucky lady. Probably the one he was sleeping with when he was sleeping with me.

p / February 9, 2009 11:06 PM

i broke it off w/ my wife after i found out she was cuckolding me w/ some writer. i was devastated. they went on to date. when it came time to sign the divorce papers, i agreed. but only on the condition that we knocked boots one last time right where we were, in my office.

subsequentally, of course, my wife came back to me, as i knew all too well how she needed to be treated and all the writer could offer was sap and folly. plus i had gotten on w/ his girlfriend, (a randy american cabaret dancer) who he'd left for my wife. i told him so, and this pained him a great deal. so the writer was left alone with his weeping and my wife returned, bound to me even closer than before.

soap opera / February 10, 2009 8:47 AM

weeks before moving back to college, my then-boyfriend called to tell me he slept with someone else. that someone else ended up being my good friend. who was also married to a professor at my school. and was teaching a course i signed up for that semester.

Anon / February 10, 2009 9:29 AM

Mine's not nearly as interesting, but devastating at that time. My bf and I decided not to exchange gifts. We went to Hooters for Valentine's Day as an F U to the holiday. But I bought him a Valentine's card. He flipped out, and by Friday we were broken up. I was heartbroken at the time, but thank God now.

lmy / February 10, 2009 10:30 AM

over 2 1/2 years, he broke up with me three times. the first was because he was scared he was in love with me; the second he was in love with me but afraid our relationship would hold him back from his dreams; the third was because he didn't think he loved me at all. we've been apart for a year and he hasn't cut his hair since the break-up, lost his job, took his unemployment money to drive across country to interview homeless people about their political views. i hope i never see him again. for whatever reason, i thought he was THE ONE. lame.

holden / February 10, 2009 10:47 AM

i wish Blagg would comment on this one...

Ramsin / February 10, 2009 11:23 AM

I don't think I have any particularly wild or crazy ones--but one girl I dated kept trying to break up with me, but I would kind of happily talk her out of it each time, convinced that we were perfect for each other. After four or five early attempts to get rid of me, she finally accepted my flawless logic and we were together a few years. We would fondly recall her efforts to dump me, and my cheery refusal to accept it, whenever we were particularly playful later on.

Kate / February 10, 2009 11:42 AM

Haha, I had a situation like that with a guy I dated in college. I won that one, though. He's now married and a Christian conservative.

grumble / February 10, 2009 5:51 PM

worst-- he did drugs, I didn't. he got coked up one NYE and had his friends kick me out of his bed at 3am. I never talked to him again.

Steven / February 10, 2009 6:59 PM

Breaking up in Amsterdam with the ex. I just snapped and wanted out -- of the relationship, my job and the country -- but couldn't get a flight back to the USA for TEN days so I robbed my Postbank account of more money than was in it (yes, for some odd reason that was possible) and stayed in a cheapo hotel. THEN the flight was on not so dearly departed SABENA (same awful bloody experience, never again), transferring at Zaventem outside Brussels, more heinous than Metro in Detroit. Drama. Just plain drama. Makes for a good cocktail story though.

Brandy / February 10, 2009 9:57 PM

I've dated very little, so I don't have many war stories. The last guy had a good 'punchline' - "He sure drank a lot for a recovering alcoholic." That short, short relationship ended with a shrug.

BP / February 11, 2009 8:31 AM

I'd like to relay my roommate's worst/craziest break-up story. His girlfriend of 7+ years left one day with their dog while he was out running errands. She sent him a text message telling him she needed to think about things. So not only did she end up kidnapping the dog, but she moved 10 blocks away into another apartment she'd been arranging with her new boyfriend. Later we found out she stole cash from my roommate and a whole litany of other atrotious things that are too long to mention here. Long story short, we're all happy she's out of his life.

Poppy / February 11, 2009 9:25 AM

Luckily this is my old room-mate's crazy break-up story. He broke up with his girlfriend but she couldn't take no for an answer and one night she shimmied up the gutter to our third floor apartment, snuck in through an open window IN MY ROOM, tiptoed across the room and across the hall into his room. he woke up in the morning with her staring beatifically at him. I woke up to him escorting her out of our place. It didn't stop there - she would cry outside his window, bake shitty muffins and leave them on the front doorstep, and eventually she tried to 'commit suicide' by taking a handful of pills and then calling him.

Irisheyes1212 / February 11, 2009 10:08 AM

I dumped my S. African fiance that I met overseas in England at O'Hare. It was like that Seinfeld episode. The more time I spent with him visiting back and forth, the more he got on my nerves. By the time the alarm when off the day of the flight, I was practically dressing him to get him out and be sure we weren't going to miss the flight.
I'm a jerk.

ms s / February 11, 2009 10:55 AM

not mine, but i witnessed a horrid break up. first valentine's day w. my now-husband-we were out for a late dinner. seated next to us were 2 guys. you could tell they were on about date 3 or 4. Guy #1 was leaning in the whole time, telling guy #2 about his car, boat, etc., and using phrases like, "I'm looking out for #1!" Guy #2 sat back against his chair the whole time, looking bored/uninterested.

Near the end of dinner, #1 asks #2, "Where do you see this going?" #2 responds, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now." #1 gets snippy, pays the bill, and they both bolt.
Funny and sad at the same time.

Carl / March 27, 2009 8:08 PM

My ex-girlfriend told me that it was finished the day before my birthday. She still decided to go to my birthday party, and gave me a birthday card saying she "WAS" happy the last year with me. From that moment on, she would sometimes want to be with me, and other times not, but for me my heart was already broken...

happyperson / April 19, 2009 9:09 AM

okay well he wasnt my bf but the day before we talked and he said he liked me but unfortunately i wasnt allowed to date so i said that but i was like we can do so at school and my parents okayed that but then the next day when i went to school he didnt talk to me AT ALL!!!!!!!!! and even worse while we were in pe he told his friend he didnt like me before he told me and right infront of like the whole class ugh!!!!!!! jerk!!!!!!!!!! RECAP: he tells me he likes me and the next day he doesnt... watch out because there are jerks in the world!!!

Caty / July 11, 2010 11:59 AM

This story is not mine, but when I heard it from my friend I found myself thoroughly pissed. I'll relay it to you now.

This girl she was sick in bed. Her boyfriend came over with brownies and a video tape. He tells her, "eat the brownies while watching the video."

The video was of him having sex with her bestfriend. Then he cums into the batch of brownie mix and comes to the camera and says, " we are through."

I know it sounds too unreal, that's what I thought. But there are some cruel people in this world.

mike johnson / November 15, 2010 6:32 PM


Michelle / May 28, 2012 11:25 AM

My story is as follows: My asshole ex and I knew eachother in High School, I hadn't seen or heard from him in fifteen years up until recently, we dated via Skype for four months because he is/was in the Army and was stationed in Korea. Promised marriage and kids all the time, even back then. He came home and avoided me for a week, left me to wonder what the hell happened. We finally got "back together" for a month or two before he became stateside again and was stationed in NY at Ft Drum. I went to see him in his new Duty Station one wkend, he broke up with me via text message three days thereafter. I found out that he was seeing someone else and didn't bother giving me the closure I needed or even attempting at all to make a clean break. He is now married to the girl he cheated on me with, and mind you, it's only been two months since he split with me.

Nikton / December 24, 2012 1:48 AM

T got depressed in October & wouldn't see me for six weeks. My father died Nov 6th. Nov 14th was my birthday. 1 1/2 weeks later, T disappeared without explanation, not answering my calls & messages. I was depressed after my father's death, I'm very insecure, and I'm used to the people I care about disappearing. Due to these factors, I interpreted T's absence as he didn't want to talk to me. After about 10 days, I finally sent T a text asking why he wasn't answering my messages, that he said he cared about me, & I missed our conversations. The next day, T answered that he'd been away without a phone signal. He said no one else was upset by his absence (no one else was used to daily contact with him!), and that he was uncomfortable that I'd assume something negative about him. I explained about my depression & insecurity. T said he understood, that he wasn't upset. He wrote a bit about his Thanksgiving, sent a joke, and then a smile when I joked in reply. I thought everything was OK. But then I didn't hear from T again. I wondered if T had gone away again. I was also worried~ I didn't know if he was dead or alive. After about a week, I went to T's place, and was shocked to find that he was at home. I suddenly realized that I'd been left for no reason, and that T didn't even tell me, had in fact led me to believe that everything was all right between us. I rang the bell. T wouldn't come down. I rang the bell for a while, and T called the police! Not only was T not man enough to come down and tell me what was going on, but he wouldn't even tell me that he didn't want to talk to me. T said that he had very strong feelings for me, that he loved me. He said we were friends, and our friendship was the most important thing. T had also told me that he'd never forget how I was there for him when his father died. He dumped me 2 1/2 weeks after my father's death!

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