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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, February 27

Gapers Block

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anonymous / July 21, 2008 10:46 AM

cocaine, heroin, and bringing home strange men from the bar while in various states of black-outedness.

i don't do any of that anymore. and it feels good to actually admit it.

Anon. / July 21, 2008 11:09 AM

I drove home drunk once. I was drunk enough to convince myself that I could make it the less-than-a-mile to home. It was scary as hell -- it felt like I wasn't braking hard enough at stop signs, just sort of slowing down, even though I was trying to stop. Good thing it was very late at night, so I didn't really pass any other cars or pedestrians. Never doing that again.

nonny-nonny-booboo / July 21, 2008 11:18 AM

Went the baseball game at the Cell once.

lmy / July 21, 2008 11:26 AM

not to sound cheesy, but falling in love and recently, going to amsterdam alone, getting high and exploring the city. i was messed up and lucky i made it back in one piece.

Pete / July 21, 2008 11:43 AM

Walking on the fourth floor outdoor ledge of my dorm during my freshman year in Champaign, just to climb into my neighbor's room and shut off the alarm clock that was left on when he went home for the weekend. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but one wrong step and at best I would have been seriously injured. Ah, to be eighteen, stupid and bulletproof.

Mucky Fingers / July 21, 2008 11:54 AM


jennifer / July 21, 2008 12:01 PM

Mucky Fingers

Gaigen / July 21, 2008 12:13 PM

Went with a guy I had just met to a low-end neighborhood to a strange house filled with unsavory people I didn't know so he could buy some weed. I may have been paranoid but I suddenly thought, "They could kill me and no one would ever know." I quickly got the hell out of there.

Ellen / July 21, 2008 12:31 PM

Alcohol plus weed plus rollerskates. Then, after I cracked my chin open at the roller rink, (if I remember correctly) my also-drunk/stoned friends drove me to the ER for the suturing.

Janaynay / July 21, 2008 1:44 PM

I got into a van with a Mexican and hitched a ride down the street.

anon / July 21, 2008 2:02 PM

Sweet, sweet, unprotected sex

Chad / July 21, 2008 2:34 PM

I stood at stage's end at a Trailer Hitch show once at the DoubleDoor.

Anonymous / July 21, 2008 2:52 PM

Anything that is a hell of a lotta fun is usually dangerous.

Joey Ramone / July 21, 2008 7:27 PM

It would be those times I enjoyed Liqour Lobotomy when the Exit was on Wells. Once the inevitable (mugged on drunken way home) happened, I never returned. Not to my knowledge at least.
I have participated in dangerous activity since that moment, but none as severe.

Steven / July 21, 2008 8:09 PM

Take CTA. Train caught on fire. Passengers had to disembark. At Wilson. At night. Now I take the 147 at night. Or a cab.

mike-ts / July 21, 2008 10:32 PM

Driving a semi. If I told you about half of the scary equipment I either fired up or hooked to just to be a good employee and team player, you'd never get on the road again. I've rescinded my CDL, and haven't regretted it for a second. After three companies with no regard for safety issues (if you don't like it here, there's the door, and I'll have your replacement in a minute), I've had it.

If that doesn't make you hole up in your room, telling you the stuff I've seen other drivers do will. They've risked my life to such an extent I find it hard to feel for wreck (there are no accidents, only wrecks) victims anymore unless they're hapless passengers. The guy who comes from the far left lane fish tailing across the front of an 80,000 lb. truck and hitting the brakes to make the exit ramp 200 feet away on an icy highway, his name is legion.

I once saw someone who had his sheet music on the passenger seat, while he played the brass flute while driving with his knees in stop & go traffic on the Circle Interchange in the morning rush. The fact that no one believes that does not mean I don't believe my lying eyes and know it for fact.

Mindy / July 22, 2008 8:52 AM

rode my bike down michigan avenue

annie / July 22, 2008 11:11 AM

Drove drunk and crashed my car into a parked car, haven't owned a car since, that was 4 years ago.
In college a friend and I met two losers at a bar and decided to leave with them in a car to score weed, but they didn't want weed, they wanted crack, it's a long story, but we were shot at in their car. A few summers ago, met random guys on my block and decided to have a drink with them in their apartment...I seriously, thought they were gay, so I wasn't worried, a week later I saw one of them on the sex offender website...oh yeah, I went bar hopping with them too. dumb dumb girl.

Spook / July 22, 2008 11:22 AM

confusing a sleeping Myanmar
Army General with a sleeping Thaiborder guard and yelling at him( after demandng to see who ever was in charge/waking him from his noon nap) that his men would not shake me down to cross the boarder.
Not only did I pay the five Thai Bath crossing fee but an extra American 35 dollars as a "donation" to the general's family home temple. I know, I know, ugly American.

Now when I leave the country, I'm a very nice "Canadian"

jj / July 22, 2008 11:53 AM

While camping with family friends, followed their kids away from the playground and on hike in forest, in the dead of winter. When, of course, we got lost, I followed oldest boy who thought taking a shortcut over a frozen lake was a good idea. I don't know how we didn't fall in, but thankfully we were found wandering around the other side of the forest about two hours later. Eleven year olds do not make good decisions, but in my defense I learned my lesson and I don't think I've ignorantly followed anyone anywhere since.

JAH / July 22, 2008 11:59 AM

It's hard to pin down one as "the most dangerous," but LSD was involved, that's for sure.

Spook / July 22, 2008 12:35 PM

p.s I could have added some more lethal tales but then I would have had to go "anon" and I'm not such a big fan of going "anon" even though I've enjoyed some of the "anon" stories

zoenotcool / July 22, 2008 12:58 PM

anytime i've ignored my gut feelings has turned out to be dangerous, in one way or another. thanks, guardian angels!

joshua / July 22, 2008 1:25 PM

any number of adventure sports, but the most dangerous, only time i really felt i could die was river sledging in new zealand.

to brave class iv rapids, i put on a wet suit, helmet and flippers, and ride out on a glorified kickboard. the river owned me immediately and threw me about without mercy.

that being said, it was among the most fun i've ever had.

and yes this is a tourist activity.

bethernet / July 22, 2008 2:46 PM

In college, to cap off a night of partying, we'd drive almost an hour to an old railroad tunnel (in the middle of nowhere, southern Indiana) and walk through it with the goal of actually being inside the tunnel when a freight train came through at full speed. No matter how drunk/high we were when we entered the tunnel, we'd emerge on the other side, completely scared sober after trembling and shaking with fright the entire time. And that was when we didn't see a train! On the trip back to the other side of the tunnel, we'd use the flashlight to see all the scary things we had unknowingly passed in the darkness. The tunnel curved, so once we got to the middle we couldn't see light from either end. It was so dark you truly couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

I went to the tunnel four times without seeing a train. My fifth (and last) time, a train did come through. It was so terrifying that I never went back, although my friends contined this insane tradition. As far as I know, nobody was ever hurt or killed, except maybe by the "newbies" who were intentionally scared by the experienced tunnelers.

Greyhoos / July 22, 2008 2:55 PM

As a kid: me & a cousin engaging in a sword duel using discarded florescent lighting tubes that we found in a rubbish pile.

As a teenager & young adult: check, check, check & check on a number of things listed by various anon's above. I must respectfully decline to comment further on these matters on the advice of my legal counsel.

Also as a teenager: Looking like a "freak" while living in the Deep South -- which is apparently not too different from being emo in Mexico. On one occasion it ended up with one drunken good ole boy waving a knife at me in a bar washroom, threatening to stab me. On another, a truckload of drunken GOBs chased me & my girlfriend and tried to run us off the road. On a couple of others, I was refused the right to service.

And you said it, Pete.

Michelle / July 22, 2008 3:24 PM

When I was zookeeper, one of the myriad dangerous things I had to do was to help repair a flat-bottomed house-boat that was hanging over hip-deep water by a chain attached to a not-too-large branch of a tree. After a lot of pussy-footing around, I got impatient and stood all the way under the boat and called for tools, etc. Oh, and did I mention that this was in the Alligator lagoon? Yeah, the live alligators were kept at bay by people with long poles.

My boss kept repeating, "I can't believe you went under the boat!"

amyc / July 22, 2008 4:30 PM

Jeez, I've led such a sheltered life. About the most dangerous thing I've ever done was mailing my rent check when I only had eight bucks in the bank, hoping I could pick up and deposit my paycheck before the landlord could cash it.

I know. Life on the fucking edge, man.

Meems / July 22, 2008 5:30 PM

Too many to count, but just recently I tried to do a drunken cartwheel,twice. Fell both times. I wish I could show you a picture of the inside of my right arm, it's completely purple.

Meems / July 22, 2008 5:35 PM

Oh, and on the same day I drunkenly drove an ATV and crashed my boyfriend and I into a tree. I was in Wisconsin and it wasn't quite as relaxing as I'd hoped.

jen / July 22, 2008 11:05 PM

meems -- while not particularly dangerous, i, too have turned drunken cartwheels. what prevented me from making the full wheel was the doorway of my friend's kitchen in college. i have little feeling on the inside of my right shin as a result. oopies!

outside of some stupid driving (not drunken, just asshole) and my current "i'm sure he's clean" state of mind, i've never partaken in anything that dangerous. =/

Alison / July 23, 2008 9:36 AM

Greyhoos, you were chased by a truckload of Will Arnetts???

That sounds like my fantasy.

I had a similar situation at a remote lake in Indiana. One night, my ex boyfriend and I drove out there to hang out. We were sitting by the water when he noticed an old car pull into the lot. Sensing something was off, he told me to get in the car immediately.

We got out of the lot (it had one narrow side was the late, the other was woods) just as the car was pulling up to block the exit. We drove about five miles back into town with them trailing us. Our plan was to drive directly to the police station. Once we were in town, they pulled up next to us in the wrong lane, yelled "Why you runnin'?" and drove off.

Maybe unrelated, but about two days later, I came out of my house to find three of my tires slashed.

It kind of freaked me out.

Greyhoos / July 23, 2008 10:22 AM

Alison -- yeah, possibly unrelated. But definitely worth kind of freaking out over.

That reminds me of the time when I went parking with some girl when I was in high school. We found a dark cul-de-sac off a neighborhood where there few houses around. We figured it was isolated enough. We were (natch) making out & whatnot; until after a while I see a couple of figures coming toward us from the nearest house down the street. As they passed near a streetlight, I saw that one of them was carrying a handgun. I told my date, "If you'll excuse me, I think we'd better be on our way. Like right now." So we did.

loadzone / July 23, 2008 11:59 AM

As a scrawny 10-year-old, I panicked near the top of the giant waterslide at Wet'n'Wild in Orlando.

Flailing arms = catching air near the top.

My older brothers said it was obvious I caught air and the lifeguards at the bottom the slide were frightened, so I guess it could have been serious. To this day all my brother can remember thinking: "Man, mom would have been soooo mad at us if you fell." (3 stories to the ground)

v / July 23, 2008 1:59 PM

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

anon. / July 23, 2008 2:42 PM

I've pretty much regretted every time I've stayed at an Econolodge.

Dubi / July 23, 2008 3:22 PM

I once rode my bike thru traffic when my breaks were in bad condition.
I also accidentally walked into a minefield while going on a hike near the Israeli Syrian border.
Both times I had much more luck than intelligence. I'm like so not doing any of that again.

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