Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Monday, April 15

Gapers Block

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Andrew / February 24, 2008 10:31 PM

Write a message to someone/something you didn't get to "connect" with but wished you did. Doesn't have to be a person, and it doesn't have to be romantic.

Bonus points for making us laugh.

gordon / February 25, 2008 7:09 AM


You left me all alone at Halo this week. You're the best hairdresser who's ever cut these hairs. The new hairdresser dropped the shampoo bottle on my face while she was washing my hair. I mentioned to her that "Katelyn never did that."

Supposedly you're never coming back. Maybe you could post your contact info? Here's Mine.


maardvark / February 25, 2008 8:04 AM

I was the guy staring at you on the Red Line last Thursday, midnight. You were holding an enormous portfolio of art and every time you dropped it, you bent over so exquisitely. When you said "What are you looking at?" the fire was the tango in Argentina, and when you moved to the other end of the car, it was so I could admire you from afar. But when you said, "Last time I'm riding this late," I knew you wanted to move in with me. So where did you go? I mean, Clark/Division, but where from there? Call me.

maardvark / February 25, 2008 8:14 AM

Oh, I see--it was supposed to be an actual missed connection we've actually had with something. Let's try this again.

You were supposed to run late. I was running late instead, and you were running early. Instead, when I got there, all I could do is watch you leave in a trail of dust. I'm sorry I let you down. 5:45 Amtrak to Indiana, pull back into the station for me. Please.

Mikey / February 25, 2008 8:53 AM

Desparately Seeking Mega Millions

I thought we had a deal? I drop $1 on a lottery ticket, I win the $270 million jackpot. It all seemed so simple, and I keep racking my brain to try and figure out where it all went wrong. We could have been so happy together, you and me. And unlike other guys, I won't lie to you--I had $ signs in my eyes from the moment we first met. How's that for honesty? But it would seem that you've fallen for another--and trailer trash, at that. He will never love you the way I would have. If you should ever come to your senses, it will never be too late...

Broken-hearted (with the emphasis on 'broke'),

flange / February 25, 2008 9:44 AM


Saw you on prominent Chicago website. You looked too conceptual to approach so I didn't say anything at first, then went meta. Let's meet over coffee and stare off into space together.

spence / February 25, 2008 10:01 AM

You: Hottie wearing clothes.

Me: Handsome man wearing clothes.

Where: Redline, Belmont Stop

I noticed you noticing me. I'd like to get to know you better, how about coffee?

dead guy's ail / February 25, 2008 12:35 PM

...I've been admiring your "British wanna be" ars
for more years than have stale fish sticks.
.... it's about time you give in and put your Big Ben in my watch pocket and realize that what appears to be the result of attending the "School of Funny Walks" is really my version of a mating dance.
Hey...I'm talking to you....

Zach / February 25, 2008 1:21 PM

Missed connection with an unspoiled grapefruit this morning. Why did I have the misfortune to have six of eight grapefruits, purchased only two days ago, go bad on me just as soon as I got them home?

Next time I'm going with oranges!

steven / February 25, 2008 1:42 PM

I saw you standing there, you and your nine friends all lined up, inviting me to take my best shot (you're so dirty *s*). I made my move and thought I was headed for the turkey. But when the dust settled, you were still standing. I didn't understand what went wrong. Why do you mock me, #10 pin, why?

I'll be back Thursday, Waveland Bowl. Be there? Maybe we can grab a slurpy.

Diable Cody / February 25, 2008 2:09 PM

C'mon, Lamont?

Let's recheck the spelling & maybe you will find me in Lemont, Illinois -- where are the editors from IL?

Andrew / February 25, 2008 2:12 PM

It's fixed, "Diable." Well done on the spellcheck.

emtee / February 25, 2008 2:31 PM

Me, average height, messy brown hair, dark sunken eyes, unable to form coherent sentences.

You, a little square, more cushion for the pushin', covered in blankets, very enticing.

Sorry I haven't been seeing you lately. You know I love our time together, even if I always sleep through it. Maybe once my crazy schedule dies down, we can snuggle up and watch a movie. I miss you, bed.

printdude / February 25, 2008 3:40 PM

We met last week in the Bahamas and you kissed my body all over on the beach. I didn't see you on the way back home, and yesterday i got a weird little message with no call back number. Today I only got to talk to your icy sister and she's not giving up your location or phone number.
Please come back to me, sunshine!

zoenotcool / February 25, 2008 4:47 PM

Desperately Seeking: Common Sense (sometimes seen around town with Compassion, Empathy and Ethics)

Where: Thorek Hospital E.R.

When: Fri. 2/22 6:30-8:30 p.m.

About you: AWOL as my husband and his friend needed you to overcome the ER doc who called the cops on them, instead of providing medical assistance! They are not "drug seekers" - she was in great pain from documented health problems and needed some stronger painkillers.

About me: MWF, 35, brown/brown, glasses, cranky. Waiting at home for relaxing evening to begin. Wondering what the world has come to when innocent sick people are presumed guilty.

Steven / February 25, 2008 4:52 PM

The only missed connection I've had in the last year was when the Brown line train left Fullerton for the Loop just as the Red line train's doors opened. I turned and looked at the motorman of the Red train and said "what the fuck?" and he just looked at me with a shrug and that "hey dude I just work here" look. Classic CTA.

whet / February 25, 2008 7:20 PM

Time: Monday morning, 6:30 AM

I saw you for a fleeting moment... then I hit the snooze bar. Many times. I'm hoping to catch you next week.

emily / February 25, 2008 9:55 PM

the last time i saw you, i pushed all the right buttons. you took me to places i never knew i could go. i looked at you for hours, then slept like a nightengale. and in the were gone. you're not in the couch. or under the pillow. you made me feel comcastic. come back, remote.

PMan / February 25, 2008 10:37 PM

Man saw woman: February 25, downtown

You: Gorgeous nymphomaniac with shapely legs, silky hair and bedroom eyes.

Me: Picked up your tasteful and seductive manner, unable to respond due to my super-secret undercover assignment with the FBI.

Just respond and I won't let you down this time.

If anyone else knows this gorgeous nymphomaniac, also please respond.

PMan / February 25, 2008 10:38 PM

Man saw woman: February 25, downtown

You: Gorgeous nymphomaniac with shapely legs, silky hair and bedroom eyes.

Me: Picked up your tasteful and seductive manner, unable to respond due to my super-secret undercover assignment with the FBI.

Just respond and I won't let you down this time.

If anyone else knows this gorgeous nymphomaniac, also please respond.

bed / February 26, 2008 11:19 AM

miss you too.
thought you forgot how soothing i can be. hoping that the lumps in others will bring you home. soon.

Dan Kelly / February 26, 2008 1:13 PM

Art Institute, Tuesday at lunchtime. You: Unspoiled natural American beauty in colonial print apron standing beside your father as he proudly displayed his new pitchfork. Me: Man in grey hat and suit, drinking coffee in an eerily lit diner beside woman in red dress (an unsuccessful blind date, FYI). Wanted to get to know you but the diner had no doors and I couldn't get away. Plus, pitchforks = scary. Lunch in the museum Cafe sometime?

Chi-Lite / February 26, 2008 3:23 PM

I see her face everywhere I go-
On the street or even at the picture show.
Have you seen her?
Tell me, have you seen her?

fluffy / February 26, 2008 6:51 PM

I'm missing my connection with a stiff drink right now.

Anon / February 26, 2008 11:10 PM

My company cracked down on internet usage. I was an 'offender'... Gapers doesn't help... since when was reading NPR on my breaks a faux pas? Gmail chat is a fond memory.

I've been suffering from a missed connection.

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