Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Monday, April 15

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


Andrew / March 23, 2009 12:10 AM

Question suggested by "Assault" on Twitter. If you've got a good question for us to ask in Fuel, hit us up on Twitter or email us at inbox@gapersblock.

Pete / March 23, 2009 9:28 AM

Because I've been completely irresponsible with my finances, have invested other peoples' money in securities whose true underlying value I have no idea of yet have been more than happy to skim rich management fees from right off the top of, have tried to dump off those investments at full value on some other poor sap rather than properly record a loss on my own books, and have paid multimillion dollar bonuses to myself despite poor individual performance, and now that I'm stuck with those rotten investments I never should have made in the first place I fully deserve a handout from the very same government that I've spent decades insisting has no business meddling in my personal affairs.

Mike / March 23, 2009 10:30 AM

What Pete said.

Rick Santelli / March 23, 2009 10:51 AM

None of you losers deserve a dime from the federal government!

The only hope for America now is to slash taxes on the ultra-rich, who will then shower the rest of the nation with jobs and flowers.


Mucky Fingers / March 23, 2009 11:06 AM

Yeah, what Pete said.

We're now in the middle of what I would call a Bush-Cheney hangover, and it's gonna last for a while.

michi / March 23, 2009 11:54 AM

Because I'm "too big to fail." It had to be said.

Cheryl / March 23, 2009 1:29 PM

I've lived within my means for a number of years now, but with some economic stimulus money I could hire someone to clean my apartment. And that's what we need, right? Jobs!

p / March 23, 2009 4:23 PM

because i bust my friggin Hump out here. why you breakin my balls here? you know what? go twitter with your soft got some nerve pal.

3W's / March 23, 2009 5:37 PM

I have the 3 W's: White, wealthy, and well-connected.

charlie / March 23, 2009 5:43 PM

I'm a Toxic Asset

mike / March 23, 2009 9:22 PM

I'm a Chicago teacher.

Steven / March 24, 2009 12:00 AM

Like everyone else, I don't. But unlike everyone else, I won't get one either.

ACORN / March 24, 2009 9:34 AM

Because we helped get Obama elected.

...aww hell, its not really a bailout, but we are getting a shitload of taxpayer money despite breaking several laws. But laws don't matter now that we've got our man in office.

Bring home the bacon, 'Bama.

Can't wait to see you all come the 2010 census.

editorkid / March 25, 2009 9:21 AM

So I can leave behind this fake-ass second-class city, get an investment visa in France, and never have to think about The City That Shirks again.

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15