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Bears Wed Sep 10 2008

NFL Notes and Fantasy Nerdin' Out: Week 1

In case you were living in a cave on Mars with your fingers firmly plugged into your ears this weekend; -- or, conversely, you're a Cubs fan simply too wrapped up in what could be a collapse of epic proportions -- the NFL season did start this past weekend and your* Chicago Bears managed to upset AFC alpha-dog Indianapolis in Indy's brand, spankin' new stadium, in front of an national audience. If you neglected to read my, ahem, "must-read," take on da Bears season opening victory, I'll paraphrase it for you and state simply that these Bears have got a ton of work to do and truly received a gift from the Gods of Football to have caught the Colts when they were still a bit rough-around-the-edges. Trust me, the Colts are a very good team that will more than likely advance far into the playoffs. The Bears -- if they make the playoffs at all -- will be the sacrificial lamb of the postseason and will all too mirthfully check out against the power players of the NFC (see: Cowboys, Dallas.)

However, there were some true positives for fans of the Midway Monsters and not least of all was the emergence of rookie Matt Forte as a burgeoning celestial entity in the Bears Universe. Forte dropped 123 yards and a TD in his first career start, allowing all Bears fans to, at least for one night, forget the reign of terror that was the Cedric Benson Era. Additionally, hirsute and hard-drankin'** Kyle Orton made the term "game manager" never sound more sweet as he simply didn't f*ck up in handing the ball off and making easy passes look, well, easy. The season is young, oh, so young! and a lot remains to be seen, but I maintain, that even with the Bears seemingly easy win on Sunday night: Buyer Beware!

Other Football Players Played As Well

I work Sundays slingin' beers to the drunks, the gamblers and the NFL-craving savages I call "friends." In short, I'm forced to watch a ton of football and as a result I infer far too much about football teams that, indeed, play football. These are those thoughts and conclusions...

The first game I switched on was Detroit @ Atlanta and I immediately began screaming an incoherent rant of swears and curses directed at the brilliant FOX Sports suits who decided this game would be a good match-up for the first real taste of NFL football I'd witnessed in months. Dear FOX, thanks a ton. No really, thanks, I loved suffering through what amounted to two cupcakes trying to roll the other one off the counter of the NFL. [WTF? Where'd you learn about metaphors. -ed.] In any case, the only relevant part of this game was that Lions receiver/killer of defensive coordinators careers, Calvin Johnson had his first of what will be many stellar games. Don't have him in your fantasy league? Too bad, I do and I suggest you acquire him via any means necessary.

In other fantasy related news, some quarterback named "Brady" for some team named "New England" got hurt in the first quarter and is out the rest of the season. I did some research*** and apparently this "New England" team has been really good for the better part of this century; also, this "Brady" individual is one of the best QBs of his time. Go figure. Oh, also, New England fans, hell, Boston fans in general suck. Schadenfreude is on the house this season, people. Sadly, Brady ruined one poor sucker per fantasy league when said sucker was assuming that Brady would dominate the competition like he did last season. C'est la vie, Monsieur Brady****.

Fantasy Pick Ups:

Quarterback: Drew Brees, New Orleans
343 yards, 3 touchdowns, no city-threatening hurricanes.

Running Back: Michael Turner, Atlanta
220 yards, 2 touchdowns, albeit against Detroit, so, approach with some caution.

Wide Receiver: Eddie Royal, Denver
146 yards, 1 touchdown, seriously, if you thought this guy would lead Week 1 in receiving, you're a liar.

*Merely because I write about the Bears does not make me of the Bears. I maintain an objective (to "anti") stance on this and all Chicago sports teams.
**Google image search "Kyle Orton." Dude likes himself some brown liquor drank, yo.
***No, not really.
****He's still dating a Brazilian supermodel, so, y'know, he'll be OK.

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