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Bulls Wed Mar 03 2010

As the Bulls Turn: Even Zombies Get Hurt Edition

When last we spoke it was revealed that the Bulls are a squad of basketball zombies, hell-bent on winning games and eating more and more delicious brains...or something. Sadly, even zombies it seems can get dinged up and slowed by the likes of nagging toe injuries (Zombie Joakim) and knee owies (Zombie Derrick and Zombie Luol) and with the impeccable timing of a SWAT team descending on an abandoned and isolated farm house to destroy the zombie threat and rescue the heros, so too has the hammering force that is the Bulls' March schedule arrived to terminate the adorable "Zombie Bulls." Chicago's March is coming in like a lion, sticking around and destroying the lamb and finally leaving with a "whimper" against the points!, points!, points!, points! Phoenix Suns.

The zombie bashing began against Atlanta, as the Hawks (bored and umotivated?) toyed with the Bulls for three quarters before dropping a 41 point outburst in the fourth quarter to quell the Zombie Bulls attempt at victory. Atlanta's dismantling was nothing new either, the Bulls (even with Noah, but without the pogo-sticked JoNo, yikes!) have struggled against hyper-athletic front courts, ATL = THE HAFC of the League, btw, omg, etc. What is the zombie doomsday March schedule loaded with, toddlers? HAFCs! Memphis sports the aggressive and efficient trio of Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph (don't laugh Z-Bo is gonna win Most Improved Player this year) and the youngster at the five, Marc Gasol. No, Miller Time won't handle Marc or Z-Bo and Taj/James Johnson will have their hands full with Rudy.

Dallas? Nobody is stopping Dirk this year, and the Bulls are left to contend with Caron Butler and Shawn Marion and Brendan Haywood. Utah? Carlos Boozer (from Alaska) is a flame-throwing chainsaw of points and boards and blocks in this, his contract year. Plus, AK-47, Paul Milsap. Orlando? Jesus! Dwight Howard just got a LOLCat message from DRose reading "Dont Hurt 'em, Superman, kthxbai" The bludgeoning continues all damn month. Still, zombies never seek quarter nor ask for mercy, will the Zombie Bulls do any less? Of course not, but the Bulls are going to need some voodoo relief and magic to hold onto their tenuous grip for a playoff spot after this hellish month.

 
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