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Thursday, August 13

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Transmission
« Pulling Strings: For Classical Music in Chicago, You Got a Guy - September 2015 Riot Fest Recap: Day One »

Preview Thu Sep 10 2015

A Tweet-by-Tweet Review of Riot Fest Artists

I did this last week before North Coast, because what better way to decide which artists to see at Riot Fest than to look at what they have to say on social media? It's not like you're going for the music anyway.

So I looked through the Twitter feed of every. single. act. that will be performing in Douglas Park this weekend to find the choicest 140-character morsels. Hopefully, this will help you break any mental indecision you have when deciding which artists to see.

Yelawolf (Sunday, 4:30 pm, Rock Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 11.24.53 AM.png

Dweezil Zappa saw this tweet and ran home to his mother crying tears of joy. "MOM!" he yelled. "What, honey?" "The kids at school finally found someone with a weirder name than mine! I'm out of Gym Class Wedgie Land!"
Seriously, the day that Robot says he's developed emotions I'll expect Elon Musk to be giving another TED Talk about the dangers of AI.

GWAR (Saturday at 1:40 pm, Rise Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 4.17.33 PM.png

GWAR totally just one-upped Taylor Swift in BFFs.

Skating Polly (Sunday at 11:30 am, Radicals Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-08 at 12.22.43 AM.png

Not to be outdone, the Donald will be joining Hillary at Riot Fest. If you aren't too mesmerized by Skating Polly, you can go find the porta-potty he's occupied and push it over, door side down. At this point that might be the only way to derail Trump's presidential campaign.

Anthrax (Friday at 7:15 pm, Rebel Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 4.11.14 PM.png

For those of you who missed it, St. Anthony's Hospital was trying to shut down Riot Fest, claiming it would disturb their patients. But did they accidentally lobby for it to be replaced by an Anthrax-only weekend? I've heard headbanging is good for your health, so why not?
Honestly, though, there are way more concerning things to hospitals than Anthrax the band...like anthrax the bacteria.

Living Colour (Friday at 2:45 pm, Rock Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 3.49.20 PM.png

Living Colour is that guy who likes his own posts. Just about the only thing worse would be if Vernon Reid's mom sent this tweet.

New Politics (Sunday at 3:00 pm, Rise Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 11.21.16 AM.png

The New Politics made someone be Robin? Either someone farted on the tour bus badly enough to deserve that, or they just felt like being dicks to Søren Hanson because what band doesn't pick on the bass player?

Taking Back Sunday (Saturday at 8:45 pm, Roots Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-08 at 12.14.23 AM.png

At least now Taking Back Sunday knows who to thank this weekend. I'd assume you'll be able to find them at New Politics' set, if you're looking for autographs. Taking Back Sunday sure will be.

Post Malone (Friday at 8:30 pm, Radicals Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 3.35.54 PM.png

You know, there's actually a series of lullaby versions of hit songs and bands on Spotify. Making it to Rockabye Baby would be a career-defining accomplishment for Post Malone, I guess.
No joke, these songs are excellent for doing work and you'll be addicted.

Foxing (Sunday at 5:00 pm, Revolt Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 11.31.05 AM.png

Okay Foxing, let's try to decode what you're saying here:
So you're still 100% a sarcastic band, you say? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! If you really were 100% a sarcastic band, you wouldn't say you're 100% a sarcastic band. But if you weren't a sarcastic band, you also wouldn't say you're 100% a sarcastic band! This is what you get for playing with absolutes--CONTRADICTION and SHENANIGANS! At least give us a number like 50% sarcastic or 64.8% sarcastic or something, because I have no idea what to believe anymore.

Sleep On It (Saturday at 4:00 pm, Revolt Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 4.40.08 PM.png

You can't just tell us about this video and not show us the Instagram video. That's like claiming you saw a double rainbow or Bigfoot and not having pics to prove it. Plus, it doesn't matter if the bull's movements weren't synced up with the music.

Slightly Stoopid (Friday at 7:30 pm, Roots Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 3.33.12 PM.png

Let's all take a minute to appreciate this Entirely Stoopid photo of Slightly Stoopid, which may be my favorite picture of all time. There are so many things going on here. The photo is flipped horizontally, making the already grotesque "Billabong" font even less intelligible than normal. The blue sky above them indicates that the sun is clearly not in their eyes right now...so why the ancient-looking shades? But the best part of the picture, and what keeps me coming back to it on Google Image search time after time, is the angle of Miles Doughty's head and the constipated expression on his face. Maybe his weed was laced with laxatives? Or trying to look cool is a strain on his bowels?

Knuckle Puck (Sunday at 8:15 pm, Revolt Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 11.48.25 AM.png

SO MUCH ANGST SO MUCH ANGST SO MUCH ANGST. I found out that this line begins the chorus of Knuckle Puck's song "Pretense," so it isn't just them railing dramatically against some unknown love interest, but still. These are the types of Facebook statuses that made me defriend kids in high school.

Snoop Dogg (Sunday at 7:45, Rock Stage)

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 11.46.24 AM.png

I guess we shouldn't really be surprised that Snoop Dogg is absurdly posting "No. Social media" on social media, since this is the same man who has no real regard for what animal he's named after. Dogg, Lion, Hyena, it doesn't really matter! Also, I love the gratuitous. Period.

You can see a full lineup and schedule for Riot Fest here, in case there's other artists you want to stalk on social media to determine whether they're worthy of your attention.

 
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